Fifty-Nine Reasons You Know You Watch Too Much Wrestling On TV

  1. You walk into church and high five people in the pews as you walk down the aisle.
  2. You purposely blade yourself while shaving.
  3. Everytime you see an Elvis impersonator, you ask for his autograph and get upset when it's not signed "Honkey Tonk Man"
  4. You attack your friends from behind with a chair, and look around the room, waiting for crowd reaction.
  5. You shake someone's hand, you pause and hesitate, while looking around nervously.
  6. You walk up to get your diploma, and the graduation song is playing, you turn to the audience and shout "OOOOHHHHH YEEEAAAAHHH!" and bite a Slim Jim.
  7. You won't come out of your room until your parent's play your theme on the stereo.
  8. If your excuse for not finishing homework is you were looking for your smile.
  9. You Leapfrog over people while playing football, then turn around and clothesline them.
  10. Everytime you go to church, you wait for the minister to quote something from the Book Of Austin.
  11. You have wrestling tournaments with your stuffed animals.
  12. You Job to your stuffed animals.
  13. Everytime you leave a room, you shout "AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE,SON!"
  14. During an argument, you consistanly do groin chops.
  15. You want people to leave you alone, you feel up your chest and deeply inhale.
  16. You wear white and black make-up when you go to Canada's Wonderland, and insist they hook the bungee cord to the back of your coat at the Bungee Jump.
  17. Everytime a teacher's pet passes by your desk, you mumble "Lousy Babyface", and stick your foot out to trip him.
  18. Everytime you walk pass someone lying down, you feel the sudden urge to put them in a Sharpshooter.
  19. Everytime you come in contact with a roll of duct tape, you wrap it tightly around your wrist.
  20. Your teacher gives you detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers.
  21. You find yourself carrying a baseball bat, metal chair and 2X4 wooden plank around with you everywhere you go.
  22. You hold regularly scheduled matches with your stuffed animals, including a monthly PPV called "In Your Room."
  23. You make a Championship Belt out of cardboard, aluminum foil and glitter and then frequently model in front of a mirror wearing it.
  24. You find yourself spending hours designing ring props to bring to school to use as this years science project.
  25. You constantly telling your brothers, sisters and friends to eat their vitamins and say their prayers and then they can be like you.
  26. As soon as someone shakes your hand, you follow with a boot to their mid-section and immediately go for an Arm-Bar Submission Hold.
  27. You are always getting in trouble for trying to put a Figure Four Leg Lock on your little sister.
  28. You fake an injury at your next baseball team's practice, but swear you'll keep practicing through the pain because you're as tough as Terry Funk.
  29. You rent a table at the mall for the weekend and hold an autograph session.
  30. You challenge the school bully, telling him he can't beat you on his best or your worst day. This is answered by a solid punch in the nose and when all hell breaks loose, school officials rush in to break it up.
  31. Half of your stuffed animals have "NWO" spray-painted in white on the back of their black shirts, while the other half have in painted in red. They "refuse" to be on the same shelf with each other.
  32. You took you mothers' wig mannequin and painted "Help Me" backwards on its forehead and carry it every place you go.
  33. You insist you little sister change her name to Sunny and "grow up" quickly.
  34. You have to be rushed to the ER because you swallowed the green dye you were planning on spitting in a classmates face.
  35. You tell your friends you are the neighborhood "Icon" and demand their respect. They all get PO'd at you and a feud erupts.
  36. Your tell you mother you want an alarm clock that sounds like a ring bell.
  37. You have to pay to fix the top rail you broke off the wooden deck attempting a Frog Splash onto your little brother.
  38. You no longer call your girlfriend "your girlfiend," she is now your "valet."
  39. You have an incredible urge to start running around in circles and barking like a dog everytime you are in an open area with people around.
  40. You spend hours teaching your dog to do a moonsault off the top of his doghouse.
  41. Everytime your boss tells you do not present the proper corporate image, you call him "The dumbest SOB you have ever met," and hit him with a Stunner.
  42. You insist on sleeping in a coffin you made from orange crates.
  43. You wont enter a room until the lights go out and there is a fireworks display.
  44. You turn against your favorite stuffed animal because you found it on the wrong shelf alonside the one wearing a NWO - Hollywood T-Shirt.
  45. You switch schools swearing that the Principal at your old one screwed you.
  46. You demand your mother call you and your two favorite stuffed animals The Triple Threat.
  47. You ask you girl friend to get pumped up, learn to scowl and master low blows.
  48. You smash your mothers sewing dummy in the back with a folding chair.
  49. You wear a kilt to school and tell your teachers you want to be known as "The Commissioner" from now on.
  50. You lay your little brother on the kitchen table and do a 450 Splash off the refrigerator onto him and put him thru the table.
  51. Have your friends skip baths for a week, dress in rags and call them The Flock.
  52. Quote passages from The Raven every time you meet people.
  53. Paint "Juvi Juice" on one leg of your jogging tights and "Never Surrender" on theother. Then pick a fight with the biggest guys in your school.
  54. Tell your parents you are a member of Degeneration-X and don't recognize any authority, including theirs.
  55. You refuse to visit any family members unless you go in a Lear Jet and a stretch limo.
  56. You want four weeks worth of video promos of you shown to anyone before you meet them for the first time.
  57. You wont present your term paper until there are only 5 minutes left in the class.
  58. You wear white face paint and a long black coat to school. You rush in and chase 15 of the meanest kids in school out of the schoolyard when you see them pushing three of your friends around.
  59. You sign your Term Paper with a Branding Iron.