Reasons You Know You Watch Too Much Wrestling On TV
- You walk into church and high
five people in the pews as you walk down the aisle.
- You purposely blade yourself
- Everytime you see an Elvis
impersonator, you ask for his autograph and get upset
when it's not signed "Honkey Tonk Man"
- You attack your friends from
behind with a chair, and look around the room, waiting
for crowd reaction.
- You shake someone's hand, you
pause and hesitate, while looking around nervously.
- You walk up to get your
diploma, and the graduation song is playing, you turn to
the audience and shout "OOOOHHHHH YEEEAAAAHHH!"
and bite a Slim Jim.
- You won't come out of your
room until your parent's play your theme on the stereo.
- If your excuse for not
finishing homework is you were looking for your smile.
- You Leapfrog over people
while playing football, then turn around and clothesline
- Everytime you go to church,
you wait for the minister to quote something from the
Book Of Austin.
- You have wrestling
tournaments with your stuffed animals.
- You Job to your stuffed
- Everytime you leave a room,
you shout "AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE,SON!"
- During an argument, you
consistanly do groin chops.
- You want people to leave you
alone, you feel up your chest and deeply inhale.
- You wear white and black
make-up when you go to Canada's Wonderland, and insist
they hook the bungee cord to the back of your coat at the
- Everytime a teacher's pet
passes by your desk, you mumble "Lousy
Babyface", and stick your foot out to trip him.
- Everytime you walk pass
someone lying down, you feel the sudden urge to put them
in a Sharpshooter.
- Everytime you come in contact
with a roll of duct tape, you wrap it tightly around your
- Your teacher gives you
detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and walk
out of class, flashing your middle fingers.
- You find yourself carrying a
baseball bat, metal chair and 2X4 wooden plank around
with you everywhere you go.
- You hold regularly scheduled
matches with your stuffed animals, including a monthly
PPV called "In Your Room."
- You make a Championship Belt
out of cardboard, aluminum foil and glitter and then
frequently model in front of a mirror wearing it.
- You find yourself spending
hours designing ring props to bring to school to use as
this years science project.
- You constantly telling your
brothers, sisters and friends to eat their vitamins and
say their prayers and then they can be like you.
- As soon as someone shakes
your hand, you follow with a boot to their mid-section
and immediately go for an Arm-Bar Submission Hold.
- You are always getting in
trouble for trying to put a Figure Four Leg Lock on your
- You fake an injury at your
next baseball team's practice, but swear you'll keep
practicing through the pain because you're as tough as
- You rent a table at the mall
for the weekend and hold an autograph session.
- You challenge the school
bully, telling him he can't beat you on his best or your
worst day. This is answered by a solid punch in the nose
and when all hell breaks loose, school officials rush in
to break it up.
- Half of your stuffed animals
have "NWO" spray-painted in white on the back
of their black shirts, while the other half have in
painted in red. They "refuse" to be on the same
shelf with each other.
- You took you mothers' wig
mannequin and painted "Help Me" backwards on
its forehead and carry it every place you go.
- You insist you little sister
change her name to Sunny and "grow up" quickly.
- You have to be rushed to the
ER because you swallowed the green dye you were planning
on spitting in a classmates face.
- You tell your friends you are
the neighborhood "Icon" and demand their
respect. They all get PO'd at you and a feud erupts.
- Your tell you mother you want
an alarm clock that sounds like a ring bell.
- You have to pay to fix the
top rail you broke off the wooden deck attempting a Frog
Splash onto your little brother.
- You no longer call your
girlfriend "your girlfiend," she is now your
- You have an incredible urge
to start running around in circles and barking like a dog
everytime you are in an open area with people around.
- You spend hours teaching your
dog to do a moonsault off the top of his doghouse.
- Everytime your boss tells you
do not present the proper corporate image, you call him
"The dumbest SOB you have ever met," and hit
him with a Stunner.
- You insist on sleeping in a
coffin you made from orange crates.
- You wont enter a room until
the lights go out and there is a fireworks display.
- You turn against your
favorite stuffed animal because you found it on the wrong
shelf alonside the one wearing a NWO - Hollywood T-Shirt.
- You switch schools swearing
that the Principal at your old one screwed you.
- You demand your mother call
you and your two favorite stuffed animals The Triple
- You ask you girl friend to
get pumped up, learn to scowl and master low blows.
- You smash your mothers sewing
dummy in the back with a folding chair.
- You wear a kilt to school and
tell your teachers you want to be known as "The
Commissioner" from now on.
- You lay your little brother
on the kitchen table and do a 450 Splash off the
refrigerator onto him and put him thru the table.
- Have your friends skip baths
for a week, dress in rags and call them The Flock.
- Quote passages from The Raven
every time you meet people.
- Paint "Juvi Juice"
on one leg of your jogging tights and "Never
Surrender" on theother. Then pick a fight with the
biggest guys in your school.
- Tell your parents you are a
member of Degeneration-X and don't recognize any
authority, including theirs.
- You refuse to visit any
family members unless you go in a Lear Jet and a stretch
- You want four weeks worth of
video promos of you shown to anyone before you meet them
for the first time.
- You wont present your term
paper until there are only 5 minutes left in the class.
- You wear white face paint and
a long black coat to school. You rush in and chase 15 of
the meanest kids in school out of the schoolyard when you
see them pushing three of your friends around.
- You sign your Term Paper with
a Branding Iron.