Saturday Night's Main Event
Air Canada Centre
June 2, 2007
Theme song: Whine Up by Kat De Luna. Buy the single from
thanks to pwtorch.com for the results
We start a few minutes late with the
Stanley Cup game running late and into the late local news. Michael Cole and
Jerry Lawler are hosting tonight. John Cena then came out and it sounded like
Stephanie McMahon was handling the in-ring announcing. Weak and shrill. Lots of
boos and cheers for Cena. Cole talked about Cena having to face Great Khali
tonight. They talked about the smallest, biggest, tallest, and strangest theme
for tonight. Cena stood in the ring as they showed a video package on Khali,
then Khali walked out with his translator dude.
1 -- JOHN CENA vs. GREAT KHALI -- non-title match
Cena tried to jump Khali before he could enter the ring, but Khali quickly cut him off. One fan in the front row with the sign of the year: "2007 MOTY + mic skills = boos?" Khali knocked Cena to the outside, and Lawler stirred it up that the locker room is talking about Cena's victory at Judgment Day being a fluke. He said a lot of people don't think it can happen again. Khali continued to work on Cena back in the ring, and he landed a big boot to the face. Khali then knocked Cena out of the ring to the floor before rolling him back into the ring and nailing a clothesline. The fans tried to rally behind Cena with a "Khali sucks" chant, but Khali landed a big chop to the forehead. Suddenly, Cena ducked a clothesline and he went for the FU, but Khali nailed him with a forearm blow to the face. He followed with another chop to the forehead. Khali took down Cena with the two-hand chokecomb, then he placed a boot on Cena's chest for the three count to win. They cut to ringside and Ashley announced Khali as the winner. Well, that explains things.
After the match, Khali took the mic and cut a promo on Cena. Translator Dude then translated that Khali will defeat him for the WWE Title tomorrow night in the crowd, in the ring, or on the outside.
WINNER: Khali in 7:00. Well, Khali needed to win this match to put the champ in jeopardy going into tomorrow night, but Cena needed to get some offense in with a major opportunity to push the champ on NBC. (*1/4)
[Commercial Break. Let's check the advertising on this show: movie, local programming, World Extreme Cagefighting on VS., local programming]
Vince McMahon's music hit and he walked out with the ECW Title belt around his waist. He was sporting an Under Armour sleeveless shirt and black jeans. Michael Cole talking about the roots of ECW fit as much as a bowling shoe at a formal dinner. Lawler then said if ECW were originally made in McMahon's vision, it would have definitely been must-see programming. They cut to a video package on the McMahon vs. Lashley feud. Click. Click. Click. Back in the ring, McMahon stepped up to the arm wrestling stage after Krystal introduced him. Lashley then came out stared down McMahon, who held the belt in his face. Cole and Lawler discussed the Street Fight rules at One Night Stand, then they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break. Movie, website aimed at teen girls, Icy Hot pack, MLB 2007 for Playstation, local programming]
Back from break, Lashley was ready to go. Fans with the "You screwed Bret" chant. Must be in Canada. McMahon then backed away from the arm wrestling lock up while Lashley remained ready. McMahon gribbed the handles, then feigned another lock up before asking for the mic. He vowed to kick Lashley's butt before pulling away again. Suddenly, Mark Henry's music hit and Henry came out to replace McMahon, who didn't want to embarrass Lashley until the PPV.
Lashley and Henry locked up, with Henry appearing to have it won before Lashley made the comeback to even strength. Henry, frustrated, punched Lashley in the face and turned over the wrestling table. Lashley made a brief comeback and went for a top rope move, but Henry caught him in mid-air and threw him into the corner. Henry did too much walking around, so Lashley came right back with a spear. McMahon then re-entered the ring with a chair in hand and he smacked Lashley in the back. Cole rubbed it in that it was another demoralizing and embarrassing moment for Lashley. McMahon left the ring as Lashley recovered to his feet.
Backstage, Maria interviewed World Hvt. champion Edge about which of the biggest, smallest, or strangest he is. Edge said it's none of the above. He said he beat Undertaker, Batista, and he's World Heavyweight champion. He's not the biggest. Not the smallest. Not the strangest. Not even the strongest. He said, "But, what I am is just the greatest." The fans in the arena popped, then Edge walked away. Great, simple promo.
[Commercial Break. McDonald's, DVD promo, PSP, movie, NBC programming, local programming, Dr. Phil cliffhanger.]
Batista came out with tape around his right leg to kick off the second match. Torrie Wilson is handling the ring announcing for this match. Chris Benoit then came out and embraced Batista. MVP then led out the heels with his personal entrance and Edge received a superstar pop in his hometown. And that's our whole segment.
[Commercial Break. MLB 2007 on PS3, DVD promo, McDonald's, DVD promo, NBC programming, local programming.]
2 -- BATISTA & CHRIS BENOIT vs. World Hvt. champion EDGE & U.S. champion MVP
We join the match already in progress with Benoit ripping off a round of chops on MVP. Benoit then went for the Crossface, but MVP reached the bottom rope to break the hold. Edge tagged in and got a big hometown pop (which is much different from Summerslam 2004 when he was booed in his hometown against Batista and Chris Jericho in an IC Title match). Benoit then came back by landing chops. Batista tagged in, and Edge bailed because he didn't want to face Batista, who pulled MVP into the ring before slamming him into the corner. Benoit re-entered and landed three German suplexes on MVP, but MVP moved out of the way of a top rope diving headbutt. He then made a tag to Edge, who worked on Benoit. MVP and Edge exchanged tags working on Benoit, but Benoit dropped Edge with an enziguiri kick. He tried to make a tag to Batista, but MVP cut him off after taking a tag from Edge. Benoit then fought off MVP and made the tag to Batista, who ran over MVP with clotheslines. Edge tried to break up a pin, but Batista scared him out of the ring. Edge then took his belt and went home as Batista gave MVP a spinebuster. Benoit then came off the top rope with a diving headbutt for the win. Afterward, Edge held up his title belt as Batista stared him down from inside the ring.
WINNERS: Batista & Benoit in 9:00. Decent match carried by the star power factor. MVP taking the loss wasn't a surprise. (*3/4)
They cut backstage where Finlay was leading Hornswoggle to the ring. Meanwhile, Little Boogeyman was being led down the hall by Boogeyman, who dangled a worm over his mouth.
[Commercial Break. Knocked up movie promo, CD promo, NBC programming, local programming.]
Finlay and Hornswoggle came to the ring, and Hornswoggle went right under the ring. Candice Michelle handling the announcing here. Little B. then rode Boogeyman's back to the ring. Lawler said the stench from Boogeyman's entrance smells like Michael Cole's cologne.
3 -- FINLAY & HORNSWOGGLE vs. BOOGEYMAN & LITTLE BOOGEYMAN
Finlay and Boogeyman locked up and Boogeyman shoved Finlay to the corner. I can't imagine what kind of conversations any wrestling fan coming home from a hot date to watch some TV would say to his or her date to possibly explain this. Hornswoggle asked for a tag while hiding under the ring, so Finlay gave him the tag and he squared off with Little B. Hornswoggle rolled up his sleeves, then took his hat off and handed it to Little B., who took a sick dropkick to the face from Finlay out of nowhere. The Irishmen did a dance, then Hornswoggle picked up Little B., who went for an inside cradle and a two count. Lawler: "Know what Boogeyman's favorite book is. (Dramatic pause.) Little Women." Boogeyman then chased Hornswoggle to the outside, allowing Finlay to KO Little Boogey with a big boot and score the pin for the win. Candice made the official announcement, as if she were trying to seduce the ringpost.
WINNERS: Finlay & Hornswoggle in 4:00. Hornswoggle is simply great, while Finlay continues to take crap and make a crap sandwich. Entertaining, if not setting wrestling back 15 years. (n/a)
They plugged Extreme Expose after the break.
[Commercial Break. Itch reliever, Bowflex, NBC programming, WEC fighting.]
Extreme Expose, sitting in chairs, did their dance to Timbaland's "Throw it on me" song. In the middle of the song, they cut to backstage where Little Boogeyman was chasing Hornswoggle around. They ran into Cryme Tyme and Dusty Rhodes before running past Ron Simmons. Hornswoggle then backed into Boogeyman, who dumped worms on him. The midgets kept chasing each other until Finlay KO'ed Boogeyman with a shillelagh and danced over his body. They cut back to the ring where Extreme Expose continued dancing. The midgets then emerged ringside and Hornswoggle entered the ring. He picked up one of the barstools before hiding behind Kelly Kelly. Little B. was gassed, then he slid underneath Leyla's legs. Hornwoggle then went under Brooke's legs. The midgets lifted the women on their shoulders, leading to a five-second chicken fight that the males in the crowd popped for. Seinfeld was right: a catfight gets guys excited because there's a chance of girls kissing. The midgets then left the ring, leaving everyone confused.
[Commercial Break. Red Bull, PSP, movie promo, local programming, NBC programming, local programming.]
Kane came out for the freak match and Michelle McCool handled the announcing. Does anyone have a nice, smooth voice? Makes you really appreciate Lillian Garcia. Doink the Clown then came out, followed by Eugene in a reverse E Superman outfit. His hair is growing back at the same rate as Vince's. On the heel side, Kevin Thorn came out. Viscera followed out and Kane looked around the ring trying to figure out the quickest exit. Umaga rounded out the heel side.
4 -- UMAGA & VISCERA & KEVIN THORN vs. KANE & DOINK & EUGENE
Kane is not a good team captain, as he picked a weak line-up of freaks. Doink did a "boo, yeah" chant with the crowd before showing his backside to Thorn. Cole asked Lawler if he's ever been in a match with Doink. Duh! Who can ever forget Survivor Series '94 with Lawler's knock-off Knights against Doink's replica clowns? Crowd was quiet here as the heels took turns working on reverse E-ugene. Viscera with a sidewalk slam before grinding his hips.
[Commercial Break - it's garbage time with the ad selection. Knocked up movie promo, local programming, and more local ads.]
We return with Thorn and Viscera working over Eugene. What category of strongest, biggest, smallest, strangest, etc. does the mentally challenged Eugene fall under? Umaga with a Samoan drop in center ring as Kane looked on with concern from the apron. Cole with the lame one-liner about Umaga being Eugene's kryptonite tonight. The Vampire entered the ring and settled for a chinlock. I can hear thousands of people dozing off at 1:00 a.m. and midnight central. Eugene tried to make a comeback, but Umaga cut him off. Eugene finally made the tag to Kane, who worked over Thorn with a big boot. He then snapped Viscera neck-first across the top rope. Kane went up top and landed a big top rope clothesline on Kane, but Umaga broke up the count. Doink then accepted an uppercut from Umaga. Likewise for Eugene. Viscera entered the ring and tried to grind Kane into the corner, but Kane moved and hit the chokeslam. Well, more like Kane had his hand around Viscera's throat and Viscera fell down. Kane made the cover for the win. They closed with a close-up profile shot of Kane with the red light shining on him.
WINNERS: Kane & Doink & Eugene in 13:00. Not even entertaining. Just silly and pointless. And this is why the only major advertiser on this show was McDonald's, since the stereotype is that wrestling fans are fat slobs who enjoy mindless crap before grabbing a round of Big Macs. (n/a)
[Commercial Break. More local programming.]
They came back to the announce table where Cole and Lawler recapped the show. They aired a recap video package on the show.