Raw is War
August 13, 2001
Chicago welcomed RAW IS WAR just six days before this weekend's SummerSlam. The entire Alliance, led by WCW United States Champion Kanyon strolled down to the ring and started the night's action.
Stone Cold Steve Austin came down after his fellow Alliance Superstars and stood alone within the ring ropes holding his World Wrestling Federation Championship in one hand and a clipboard in the other. Austin grabbed a microphone and said that because of his leadership, every Alliance Superstar surrounding the ring had an opportunity to became as famous as him.
Ever since he joined the Alliance, Stone Cold said, he led by example. That's why he doesn't have to wait until SummerSlam on Sunday to beat the hell out of Kurt Angle. Footage of Stone Cold giving Angle a Stunner last week on SmackDown! was shown. "Thank you sir, have another," Stone Cold said as a second Stunner lit up the TitanTron.
Austin turned to the Alliance Superstars and asked who among them would stand up tonight and become famous. Each superstar clamored for their chance to take on Kurt Angle. Paul Heyman rose from the announce table and started chanting "RVD! RVD!" The crowd roared as the Federation Hardcore champion stepped into the ring where Austin said that Rob Van Dam would face Angle later that evening!
Stone Cold glanced up and down his clipboard and read off names of Alliance members he wanted to personally thank for stepping up recently. He cited the Federation's new Tag Team Champions Diamond Dallas Page and Kanyon along with the Alliance's newest member Test. He also praised Rhyno for hitting Chris Jericho with a crushing Gore.
The Rattlesnake then said that some people weren't pulling their weight, and he called up Tazz, Raven, Hugh Morrus to the ring. Before he continued, he poked fun at Tommy Dreamer for not having a match yet and being a bit of a stooge. Austin then asked Morrus who kicked his ass Thursday. "Y2J," Hugh stammered. Austin berated Morrus, calling him pathetic. Raven was Austin's next target for having lost to Perry Saturn last week. Stone Cold couldn't believe that Raven was defeated by a man with a mop! Stone Cold got in Raven's face and spat out," you suck!"
The champion then turned to Taz and said that at least the other members went down fighting. But Stone Cold showed footage of Taz watching from mere feet away WCW Chairman Shane McMahon get rammed through a table by The Rock last week on SmackDown! Stone Cold said he would have to whip Tazz to make an example of him for the other Alliance Superstars. He told Taz to take his shirt off and get ready to fight
Tazz steamed in anger and stood his ground, which prompted Austin to smack him with a leather belt that he held. Tazz absorbed the stinging slap and stepped up to the Rattlesnake. Austin went to strike Tazz again, but Tazz grabbed his hand! Austin pushed him away and Raven and Morrus began pounding on their teammate! Other superstars soon joined in: The Dudleys hit Tazz with the Whassup! Headbut and Raven nailed a Gore! Chuck Palumbo and Sean O'Haire held Tazz down while Austin finished him off by whipping him repeatedly with the belt!
After a break Edge and Christian prepped for their match against Justin Credible and Lance Storm. Edge asked if Christian was going to actually make it to the ring this week. Christian explained he couldn't make it last week because Edge's King of the Ring trophy had a huge scratch that needed to be buffed out. Edge said to make sure that Christian kept the address of the shop that did the polishing as he would need it after taking the Intercontinental gold away from Storm at SummerSlam!
Tajiri faced the gigantic Albert in the night's opening match. Tajiri spat brown mist into Albert's face and managed to pin his opponent.
Michael Cole found Kurt Angle backstage and asked if the Olympic Hero would take on Rob Van Dam for the Hardcore Championship that night. Angle said that he never in his life backed down from a challenge, and that he would take on RVD. Suddenly, Hugh Morrus slammed into Angle from behind! Angle recovered and latched the ankle lock onto Morrus as referees swarmed in to break things up!
Lance Storm and Justin Credible arrived for their bout with Edge and Christian. A fast-paced and furious match ended with Edge nailing Credible with a DDT and taking the pin! But Storm raced in and locked a half Boston crab on Edge while Christian raced for a steel chair to clear the ring.
In his locker room, Stone Cold and Debra gave a pep talk to Rob Van Dam. Stone Cold said this was RVD's chance to show the world what he was capable of. Shawn Stasiak broke in to excitedly tell Stone Cold how much Austin's speech earlier pumped him up. Stone Cold asked what this guy's name was, and Stasiak told him. Stone Cold lit up and acknowledged that Stasiak was the kid the Rattlesnake was taking under his wing. Austin asked what Stasiak was going to do tonight, being as pumped as he was. Stasiak tapped the champ hard on the chest and said he would do something that Stone Cold would never forget.
Kanyon and DDP caught up with Sean O'Haire and Chuck Palumbo backstage. Kanyon boasted of his two belts and told the former WCW Tag Team Champions to take back their titles from Kane and Undertaker tonight. DDP stood up and said he new wait Taker and his goofy brother were capable of. DDP told them that tonight was WCW's night to regain the gold.
Angle came into William Regal's office where the Commissioner tried to talk Angle out of the match that evening with Rob Van Dam. Regal advised Angle to take the night off to recover from the beating he took earlier that night. Angle said that Regal couldn't understand his reasoning for going through with the fight because Angle is an American. Angle began telling Regal a story about Benjamin Franklin when Shawn Stasiak suddenly sprinted in and launched his body toward Angle! But Stasiak's aim was a bit off. He crashed head-first into the decorative suit of armor in Regal's office and crumpled to the floor, causing the Federation Superstars to furrow their brows in bewilderment.
Chuck Palumbo and Sean O'Haire entered the steel cage in an attempt to regain the WCW Tag Team Championship from Undertaker and Kane. The Brothers of Destruction began taking care of business early. Kane slammed the cage door on O'Haire's head and then chokeslammed his opponent. DDP and Kanyon surveyed the action from the top of the entrance ramp, which elicited a strong chorus of booing from the crowd
Blood gushed from Palumbo's forehead as the Undertaker jammed his skull into the steel fencing. DDP and Kanyon, meanwhile, inched closer to the action. kane and Undertaker seemed to be making an example of their opponents. They looked straight at DDP and Kanyon and pounded on Palumbo. Taker even his Chuck with The Last Ride!
Suddenly, Kanyon and Page started chasing Sara! Sara eluded her pursuers by climbing the cage to safety. Kane put and end to the match pinning Palumbo as DDP and Kanyon retreated.
"I feel good!" exclaimed Ms. McMahon-Helmsley. In fact, Stephanie said she felt great thanks to Rhyno goring Chris Jericho through the SmackDown! set last week. Stephanie said that Rhyno must have knocked Y2J's screw loose since he accepted a match against Rhyno at SummerSlam!
Stephanie said she was so sure that Rhyno would destroy Jericho at SummerSlam that she wanted to escort him to the ring. Rhyno said it would be an honor. Stephanie asked to once again view the clip of last week's monster Gore, but Y2J's entrance music began playing instead!
Jericho admitted he was still feeling the effects of the Gore and that he had never beaten Rhyno. But at SummerSlam, he promised to take care of that slimy, greasy animal... and Rhyno too! Jericho commented that Stephanie guaranteed that Rhyno would get the job done, but Stephanie was the expert getting the job done! Jericho then said he had footage to prove that fact, as he showed a video still of a less-endowed Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. He then asked to put that photo next to a recent shot of Stephanie which showed that she had "grown a little the past year in two specific places at least." Let the bodies hit the floor? "I would say let the boobies hit the floor!" Jericho exclaimed to the riotous crowd.
Stephanie said she had no idea what Y2J was talking about and that he had some imagination. Y2J recommended the two go out to dinner to discuss the matter. There was a Hooter's merely blocks away! Rhyno grabbed the mic and demanded Jericho to come to the ring so he could knock some respect into Y2J.
Suddenly, Booker T's music hit and the WCW Champion strolled into the ring. He told Stephanie he knows what it's like to be disrespected and it pained him to hear Jericho dis her like that. Stephanie, Booker T said, was all natural. "Damn you lookin' fine Stephanie!" he praised.
Booker T told Jericho that there was a new opening for the Backstreet Boys that Y2K should check out. Y2J retorted that there was an opening on the "A-Team" reunion special that he -"Mr. T" - should check out. Booker T told Rhyno he couldn't wait until SummerSlam because after Rhyno beat that pretty boy, he would take The Rock straight to school!
The Rock would have none of that, as he stormed out to respond. The Great One said he could imagine what Booker T was like in high school: standing outside with his momma as short yellow bus pulled up. "Beep Beep!" mocked The Rock. The Rock depicted a scene with a teach asking Booker T what 2 + 2 is. "Thomas Jefferson sucka!" responded The Rock in a mock-Booker T answer.
Booker T may be an educated man, but his boss Shane McMahon is not, The Rock said. Y2J broke in to say that The Rock was forgetting half of the McMahon family. Standing in the ring was a man-beast and a hose-beast: The Gore and the Whore! The Rock agreed: The WCW Champion Sucka and the Silver-Spoon Mother----er!
Stephanie challenged The Rock and Y2J to put their money where their mouths are by taking on Booker T and Rhyno that evening in a tag match! Jerich accepted and thanked Stephanie saying that she's the breast..er...best!
The Rock said he's teach Booker T a little lesson in geography. They'd go everywhere, using Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley's breasts as a floatation device! But first, he and Y2J would kick the Alliance tandem's ass all over Chicago.
Stone Cold and Debra chatted in the back room as Hurricane Helms came in and helped himself to a carrot. Stone Cold asked who he was and Helms told him. Helms said he liked the speech earlier. Stone Cold asked what the tattoo on Helms' arm was. When Helms said it was the Green Lantern, Debra burst out laughing. Stone Cold said that tattoo reminded him of Kurt Angle, who called himself a superhero. Helms said Angle couldn't beat the Green Lantern. Austin told Helms to take his Green Lantern tattoo out to the ring and make a name for himself. Helms got up to do just that, grabbing a tomato on his way out.
Test, who cost the APA the Federation Tag Team Title last week, took on Spike Dudley who was escorted by Molly Holly. Spike went for the Dudley Dawg early on, but Test countered and threw the smaller opponent out of the ring! Spike later recovered and hit a hurracanrana on Test only to get smacked with a Big Boot and get pinned!
Test continued the onslaught after the match with a powerbomb. Molly broke in and slapped Test. As Test prepared to powerbomb Molly, the APA came to the rescue. Following right behind, however were the Dudley Boyz. The Dudleys' element of surprise had little effect as Faarooq and Bradshaw cleared out the ring.
Kurt Angle sipped at a glass of milk in the back when Lita and Matt Hardy approached him. The two questioned if Angle was ok enough to go out for a match this evening. Angle assured them that he was fine. He then made fun of Stone Cold and Hurricane Helms. He said that anybody - including Aquaman - was a better superhero than Green Lantern. Hurricane Helms then broke in and said that nobody could beat the Green Lantern. He slapped away Angle's milk and a scuffle broke out. Helms ended up sprawled out on the table with a metal tray smashed over his head. Angle said that nobody spills his milk and that no superhero was a match for an Olympic Hero! Angle left for his match while Matt Lita surveyed the destruction left behind. "So who is your favorite superhero?" Matt asked Lita while munching on a snack. "Wonder Woman of course," she responded.
Rob Van Dam and Kurt Angle tussled for the Federation Hardcore Championship next. The battle began outside of the ring with Angle pounding on RVD. RVD countered as Austin and Debra watched on a monitor back in their locker room. Van Dam set up a chair in the corner of the ring and prepared to attack Angle, but the Olympic Hero kicked RVD face-first into the chair. RVD recovered and kicked the chair right back into Angle's face. Angle managed to kick out after a two-count on the ensuing pin attempt.
With Angle dazed on the top rop, RVD sprang up in an attempt to smack his oppenent, but Angle met him in mid-air and slapped him down then latched on the ankle lock! Suddenly Raven and Mike Awesome raced in and broke things up. But also coming into the ring was Jeff Hardy! Hardy helped clear away the Alliance Superstars and hit a Swanton Bomb on RVD! Tommy Dreamer also came out to lend a hand but found himself screaming pain as Angle applied the ankle lock! Jeff rolled up RVD as the referee counted to three and awarded Jeff the Hardcore Championship. After clearing the ring of all enemies, the new Hardcore Champion and Kurt Angle shook hands in the ring. Stone Cold couldn't believe what he was seeing!
Shawn Stasiak was shown talking with Debra, who advised the young Superstar to apologize. Stasiak leaned up against the wall and found himself with a door plastered in his face as Stone Cold burst out from the bathroom!
Rhyno and Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley came to the ring with Booker T following with Shane McMahon to signify the start of their main-event tag match against The Rock and Chris Jericho. Y2J and Rhyno started the match with Jericho taking charge early on. The Rock tagged in and contined the assault, pausing in front of Booker T to tell the WCW Champion to just bring it.
Jericho tagged in and was about to attempt a Lionsault on Rhyno when Booker T interferred and knocked Jericho to the mat. Booker T entered the ring to continue the fight. Shortly after, The Rock and Booker T squared off. But The Great One tumbled outside the ring thanks to interference from Rhyno. This allowed the Alliance to take control. Booker tagged in and nailed The Rock with a spinning kick to the face! He hit another smashing kick and regained his stance with the spineroonie.
Rhyno tagged in and fought to a stalemate with The Rock. Rock made the tag and Jericho began dismantling Rhyno. Booker T broke in to stop a pin attempt and referee Earl Hebner flailed from the ring after being knocked down! Stephanie McMahon-Helmsely used the distraction to her advantage by hittin Jericho with a steel chair! WCW referee Nick Patrick raced in and attempted to count as Rhyno pinned Y2J but Rock pulled the ref from the ring! Rock then lined up the People's Elbow on Rhyno but was pulled out of the ring. Jericho came to his senses and locked Rhyno in the Walls of Jericho!
Another referee raced in, but Shane nailed him with a crushing clothesline. Stephanie entered the ring to break up Jerico's hold on Rhyno and soon found herself getting about to be put in that maneuver! But Rhyno stopped Jericho and put a pin on him as WCW referee Charles Robinson came and made a fast count to give the Alliance the win!The ring bell didn't stop the action as Robinson suffered a Rock Bottom! Shane nearly took the same fate, but Booker blocked it and dismantled The Great One. Shane brought a steel chair into the ring and Booker T insulted The Rock by hitting the People's Champion with a Rock Bottom right onto the chair! Booker T put the exclamation point on the evening with a spineroonie as he exited with raised arms with Rhyno, Shane and Stephanie while RAW faded out.