Raw is War
December 17, 2001
The massive throng at the Cajundome in Lafayette, Louisiana, rose to its feet as the December 17 episode of RAW went on the air! Matt Hardy downed a drink at WWF New York as Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler welcomed fans to the show.
The Hardcore Championship was on the line as the Undertaker defended against Matt's brother, Jeff Hardy. Jeff was accompanied to ringside by Matt's ex-girlfriend, Lita. Taker attacked Jeff before the opening bell, and brutalized the North Carolina native. Taker screamed at Jeff, "You will respect me, boy!" With Taker on the outside, Jeff leapt from the top rope, but Taker caught him and knocked Jeff into the barricade, as Matt watched on from WWF New York.
The fight continued outside the ring, where Taker assaulted Jeff with a steel chair. Back in the ring, Taker made Lita watch as he continued to pound on Matt. He soon nailed Jeff with the Last Ride, and Lita went up top for the hurricanrana -- but got right back down after the Taker stared her down! Taker then pinned Jeff for a successful title defense. After the bout, Lita checked on Jeff in the ring. Taker was set to ride off on his bike, but instead went back into the ring and chased Lita away.
Taker then carried Jeff to the stage, and gave him the Last Ride off the stage and through a table! At WWF New York, Matt Hardy couldn't believe it!
Taker then grabbed Lita -- but she gave him a low blow! She tried to escape, but Taker hung onto her hair, and then tossed her from the stage! Again, Matt couldn't believe what he was seeing! The crowd booed the American Badass as two-thirds of Team Xtreme lay prone on the arena floor.
During the commercial break, Matt Hardy was on his cell phone frantically trying to get Lita's and Jeff's conditions. When he was unable to get their conditions quickly enough, he ran out of the site-based entertainment complex. J.R. then informed viewers that Jeff and Lita had been taken to a local medical facility.
World Wrestling Federation chairman Mr. McMahon strutted to the ring, and said he thought everyone in the arena would agree with one thing -- that Stone Cold Steve Austin is a certifiable lunatic! He took fans back to Thursday's SmackDown!, when the Rattlesnake dressed like a firefighter to attack him, and then went on to brutalize Booker T in a local grocery store!
The crowd cheered for Austin's actions, Mr. McMahon said he wanted to get something off his chest. But first, he demanded that Austin come to the ring!
It didn't take long for Stone Cold to head to the ring, where Mr. McMahon told him that he hated the word "what"! Austin asked Vince what he wanted, and the Federation chairman said he wanted Stone Cold to apologize to Booker T for what he had done on SmackDown! Austin said, "What?
" He said Booker had stolen his truck, and cost him the Undisputed Championship, and Vince wanted him to apologize? He said he had been nice enough to take Booker on a shopping spree! He said he had done that man a favor.
Austin said he was trying to be calm, cool and collected. He said he had come to Lafayette for some crawfish, jumbalaya, and other assorted Cajun delicacies, and after eating all that food, he drank nine beers and a bloody mary!
He said that since Vince expected him to roll into Lafayette and act like a jackass, he said it just wouldn't happen. He said that since he had so much to eat and drink, and since he had nothing more to say to Vince, he asked the crowd if they wanted him to open up a can of whoopass on Vince -- and they said hell yeah!
Booker then appeared on the TitanTron, from the parking lot, and he was standing right next to Austin's truck! He said he hadn't forgotten about what happened last Thursday. He then said he would make an example of Austin's truck -- and he beat the hell out of it with a pipe!
The Rattlesnake made a beeline for the parking lot to try to save his truck as RAW faded to commercial!
During the break, Booker sped away in his car, and Austin got into his truck and chased after Booker!
The Tag Team Championship was on the line next, as Scotty 2 Hotty and Albert challenged the Dudley Boyz, who were accompanied to ringside by Stacy Keibler. The Dudleys isolated Scotty, much to Stacy's delight
But Scotty fought back, and finally tagged in the Hip Hop Hippo! Albert single-handedly took out both Dudleys, and Scotty soon tagged himself in and attacked Bubba with a missile dropkick! Scotty nailed D-Von with the Worm, and was about to pin him, until Bubba pulled him out of the ring! Stacy then went to hit Albert with her boot, but he grabbed her and kissed her! Bubba clotheslined Albert over the top rope, and the Dudleys gave Scotty the 3-D! D-Von then pinned Scotty for a successful title defense! After the bout, Albert stalked Stacy, who fled the ring!
Mr. McMahon talked to Booker T on his cell phone, and Booker told Vince not to worry, because he was safe. He said Vince would never guess where he was right now -- a place Austin would never find him. He said he was in church! Vince said that while Booker was in church, he should say a prayer for Stone Cold!
J.R. and Jerry Lawler then passed along their condolences for the death of Federation developmental prospect Russ Haas this past Friday night.
Next up, Christian defended the European Championship against Tazz. Christian gained the early advantage by choking Tazz out with his own towel. But the Red Hook native battled back, scoring with a series of suplexes. He soon locked on the Tazzmission, but Christian his a low blow out of the ref's sight. The European Champion followed up with the Unprettier and the pinfall to retain his title. Christian slapped Tazz around after the match.
But when he went to hit Tazz with his title, Tazz locked him in the Tazzmission, and left the champion lying!
Mild-mannered reporter Gregory Helms was set to interview Federation co-owner Ric Flair, when Lance Storm approached the two and said he couldn't believe Helms had a job and he didn't. He told Helms that no one was buying his get-up -- and Helms said that he was just a mild-mannered reporter, and that Storm should be careful not to aggravate The Hurricane! Storm begged Flair for another chance, and Flair told him to be careful what he wished for. He said that he would give Storm a match on RAW, but if Storm won, he would make his life a living hell! He also told Storm, "Three strikes and you're out," and said that Storm would be wrestling The Rock!
Rob Van Dam was getting ready in the back when he was approached by Mr. McMahon. Vince said he just wanted to wish RVD luck against Chris Jericho tonight. He also informed RVD that Flair couldn't make decisions on his own like he could, and said that Flair had consulted with him about giving RVD a title shot, which Vince had given his blessing to. He said that should RVD win the title tonight, he thought the two of them could get along very well. Van Dam said thanks, but that he couldn't see them together as a team. He said Vince being the kind of guy he was, and him being Ron Van Dam, it wouldn't work.
An angry Vince then said he hoped Jericho kicked Van Dam's ass tonight, and that he would be the guest commentator for the match so he could get a bird's eye view of Y2J doing just that!
At a local church, Booker T played a little bit of Bingo! He even stole an old woman's Bingo card, thinking it would give him a better chance to win! As Booker yelled at the people in the room, a familiar voice called out, "'A,' as in, 'Austin 3:16!'" Booker looked up to see Stone Cold, and the Bookerman then ran from the church away from the Rattlesnake!
Moments later, Booker was looking around the church for places to hide!
Finally, The Rock came back to Louisiana! The People's Champion headed to the ring to take on Lance Storm, with Storm finally getting a job with the Federation if he could upset the Great One! As the two men fought to the outside, Rocky put on a headset and talked about the things Storm could do once he lost to him, such as working as a waiter! Back in the ring, Storm scored a nearfall with a superkick, and followed up with several offensive maneuvers, none of which were able to keep the People's Champion down. Pretty soon, referee Tim White was knocked out in the melee. Rock put Storm in the sharpshooter, and Storm tapped out, but there was no red to see it Suddenly, Test ran down to the ring and knocked Test down, assaulting him with the pump-handle slam. He put Storm on top of the Brahma Bull, and the ref came to, but Rocky kicked out at two!
Rock then hit Storm with a spinebuster, and went to the outside to pound on Test! The referee counted Rocky out, giving Storm the win, and giving Storm a job in the World Wrestling Federation!
After the bout, an irate Rock stared Storm down and extended his hand to him for a handshake. Storm shook Rock's hand -- and Rock gave the Federation's newest employee the Rock Bottom!
Back at the church, a woman went in to give confession, and said that she had sinned -- and Booker T was on the other side! She said she had committed adultery, and the slick Bookerman told her to tell him her sins! She said she had cheated on her husband twice, and told the whole sordid story -- Booker seemed impressed! She even said she videotaped everything! She said she felt guilty and didn't know what to do, and Booker said if she did 18 Hail Marys and sent him the videotape, she would be forgiven!
Undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champion Chris Jericho walked to the ring, and reminded fans that he was Chris Jericho, and he was the Undisputed Champion. He said he was the man who single-handedly beat Rock and Stone Cold back-to-back in the same night, and the man who beat Austin again the next night. He also said he was simply, the man! He said that was why he would have to disappoint the fans, by not performing tonight. He said he was refusing to defend the title against Rob Van Dam! He questioned why RVD had gotten a title shot to begin with.
Jericho said RVD was nothing but a liar and a cheater, and he had the footage to prove it. He then showed footage of Van Dam giving him the Van Terminator with a chair on SmackDown!
Jericho said RVD was so low that he would use a steel chair to win a bout. He asked what kind of man would use a steel chair anyway, and said it was a man who wasn't worthy of standing next to a living legend, and one who was scared to death of him. He asked what kind of co-owner would allow such an act to go unpunished. He demanded that Ric Flair come to the ring, overturn the decision from SmackDown!, and cancel the match for tonight!
"Naitch" soon made his way to the ring, and told Jericho that Y2J worked for him, and the answer to both questions was no! He asked Jericho if he'd forgotten that it was Jericho who brought the chair into the ring! He said that he had clearly seen the ref counting to three, with Jericho's shoulders on the mat! Flair said that in his eyes, RVD was the No. 1 contender. He said they would find out if RVD was worthy of being in the ring with Jericho tonight.
Jericho accused Flair of being envious of him. He said for the first time, Flair wished he was someone else. He said Flair wished he was the Undisputed Champion, and wished that he was Chris Jericho. He said that Flair, like RVD, had no right to stand in the same ring with him.
He told Flair to get over his midlife crisis and to start living up to his co-owner responsibilities, just as he was living up to his responsibilities as Undisputed Champion.
Flair asked if he had heard Jericho say the words "midlife crisis." Flair said he'd had that 10 years ago! Flair said he was the boss, and he loved it! He said he agreed that the refereeing in the Federation sucked, but Jericho would indeed defend his title on RAW! Flair then took off his shirt to reveal a referee's shirt underneath, and he said he would be the referee tonight!
Next up, Intercontinental Champion Edge teamed with Rikishi against Kurt Angle and Test. Rikishi was set to give Angle the Stink Face in the opening minute of the bout, until Test saved him. But Rikishi knocked Test into the corner and was about to go for a Double Stink Face, until Angle saved them both! Moments later, Edge speared Test, but Angle caught Edge with the Angle slam to pick up the pinfall! After the bout, Test kicked Edge right in the face, and he and Angle double-teamed Rikishi. Suddenly, down to the ring ran The Rock! Rocky took Angle down with a spinebuster and then laid the smack down on Test! Rocky knocked Test down into the corner, and Rikishi gave Test a Stink Face!
It was then announced that Triple H will return to RAW on Monday, Jan. 7!
Michael Cole interviewed a humilated Test about having received a Stink Face from Rikishi just moments ago!
Test said he was embarrassed by what had just happened, and that he would kick Rock's ass on SmackDown! He said he was now gonna kick Cole's ass, since he couldn't be fired -- and he knocked the commentator to the floor!
The Big Show then teamed up with Tajiri to take on Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo. Torrie Wilson was at ringside to cheer on Tajiri, her boyfriend. Tajiri dominated the match in the early-going, but Gunn and Palumbo soon isolated the Cruiserweight Champion and double-teamed him. Finally, Tajiri was able to tag in Show, and the big man was a house afire! Tajiri locked Billy Gunn in the Tarantula, and Show hit Palumbo with a huge clothesline. Tajiri went for the handspring elbow, but accidentally hit Torrie! Gunn then dropped Tajiri for the pin, as Torrie lay hurting on the outside!
Back at the church, a man was confessing to Booker about eating too much. Booker questioned if the man had ever been to the red-light district, or smoking the marijuana, and the man said no. Booker said the man's pentance was to give him two Hail Marys, and to stand up right now and get the hell out of his office! Booker then asked the next person what he wished to confess -- and the next man was Stone Cold! Austin said that he hadn't sinned yet, but he was fixing to sin real bad! Booker then ran from the confessional, and the Rattlesnake chased him away!
Moments later at the church, Austin chased Booker into the church, and they both stopped when they saw several nuns.
The nuns asked Booker for a ride to the orphanage, and he said he'd be happy to, since he knew Austin wouldn't do anything to him in the nuns' presence! As Booker and the nuns left, a priest asked Austin if he wanted to confess any sins, and Austin said, "What?"
RVD was walking backstage when he ran into Ric Flair. Flair asked if Van Dam had thought about using the figure four, and RVD said no. Flair then led him off, saying he wanted to show him a thing or two!
Mr. McMahon introduced Chris Jericho prior to the RAW main event, claiming that Y2J was indeed a living legend. The two even hugged in the ring prior to the bout! Special referee Ric Flair then headed to the ring, followed by RVD, as Van Dam was set to challenge Jericho for the Undisputed World Wrestling Federation Championship.
The crowd chanted "RVD" as the match began, and the two men went back and forth. Van Dam soon went up top, and Jericho escaped to the outside, where he was met by a flying bodypress all the way to the floor! Van Dam laid into Jericho, but Y2J rallied back with a German suplex, as RVD landed right on his neck. Jericho scored a two-count for that maneuver.
Jericho stayed on Van Dam, driving elbows into the heart of RVD. Jericho locked Van Dam in a sleeper, and then brought him to his feet, and the two men slugged it out. Y2J hit Van Dam with a bulldog, and went for the Lionsault, but Van Dam moved. Jericho landed on his feet, however, and knocked Van Dam down with a clothesline.
Y2J choked Van Dam on the ropes, and chopped away at him in the corner. Van Dam scored a near-fall with a roll-up, but Jericho quickly regained the advantage with a dropkick. The crowd chanted for RVD as Jericho hit Van Dam with a suplex. Jericho then showboated to Mr. McMahon.
RVD punched his way back into the bout, and scored a near-fall on a roll-up. Jericho regained the advantage, again choking RVD on the ropes, and slapping his challenger. But RVD battled back, knocking Jericho down with a spinning heel kick. RVD stunned Y2J with an eblor, and hit him with a top-rope forward roll for two. RVD then went for a hurricanrana, but Jericho reversed it into the Walls of Jericho! Van Dam would not tap out, and was finally able to get to the ropes, as Flair broke up the hold!
Y2J dragged Van Dam back to the middle of the ring, but RVD rolled through for a two-count! Y2J continued to go to work on Van Dam, brutalizing him to the point where Flair had to pull him odd! Y2J shoved Flair, and Flair shoved right back! RVD then hit Y2J with a kick, Rolling Thunder, and the Five-Star Frog Splash! As RVD went for the pin, Mr. McMahon pulled Flair out of the ring just as Flair was about to count the three! But Flair recovered, and Flair put Vince in the figure-four, just as RVD put Y2J in a figure-four of his own! Van Dam was awarded the bout via disqualification, and Flair raised his arm as RAW went off the air!