Raw is War
May 15, 2006
By Louie Dee
May 15, 2006
It was time to play The Game at Texas Tech University, but in the end, it was Triple H who came out on the losing end of the equation.
As RAW kicked off, the “King of Kings” came to the ring to face John Cena for the WWE Championship. Instead, WWE Chairman Mr. McMahon announced that he was changing the match, and putting two championships on the line. Instead of getting his one-on-one match, Triple H would team with Chris Masters & Shelton Benjamin to face Cena & Rob Van Dam in the first-ever Handicap Texas Tornado Championship match, and if any member of The Game’s team defeated Cena or Van Dam, they would win his championship.
The Game isolated Cena for most of the match, but as the bout went on, The Champ found his second wind and went at all three challengers. All five men battled in the ring chaotically, and after RVD hit a Five-Star Frog Splash on Benjamin, The Game nailed the Intercontinental Champion with a Pedigree. However, wanting to become WWE Champion, The Game waited, and after Cena gave Masters the FU, Triple H hit The Champ with a Pedigree. As The Cerebral Assassin went to pin Cena, however, the opportunistic Benjamin snuck in and covered RVD, getting the three count before Triple H could cover Cena. Benjamin thus became the new Intercontinental Champion, and a furious Game became a victim of circumstance. He then accosted referee Mike Chioda, and despite Chioda’s claim that he was just doing his job, Triple H laid the hapless official out with a Pedigree before storming out of the ring.
Todd Grisham tried to get a word with The Game on WWE.com Unlimited, but he was quickly blown off. Later, as The Game continued to fume in his locker room, Shane McMahon came in. Despite Triple H’s objection, Shane said that Mr. McMahon had held his end of the bargain, and after announcing that he would be the special referee for Shawn Michaels vs. Kenny, Shane told Triple H that he would be in Kenny’s corner. Before the match, Mr. McMahon even gave The Game a sledgehammer, trying to make nice with Triple H before the match.
With Shane McMahon as the referee and Triple H in Kenny’s corner, the deck seemed stacked against Shawn Michaels. Indeed, it was, as Shane conveniently lost his belt during the match and ignored Kenny’s assault on HBK with it. Michaels would get the best of the situation, however, sending Shane running from the ring after whipping him with the belt. HBK then nailed Kenny with Sweet Chin Music, but Shane ran back in to attack his arch-enemy.
With HBK in a compromising position, Shane called The Game into the ring. Triple H lifted the sledgehammer, and as the Chairman’s son held a quivering Michaels, The Game prepared to crush his former partner’s face with the weapon. Instead, Michaels moved, and Shane took the brunt of the punishing blow. Triple H was shocked at his actions, and as Mr. McMahon ran to the ring to comfort his fallen son, The Game explained that it was an accident. He then backed slowly up the ramp as the show went off the air, maintaining that he never intended to hit Shane.
While the end of RAW was a disappointment for Mr. McMahon, he was having a good night prior to the main event. On WWE.com Unlimited, the Chairman once again had the delicious Candice in his office. As they talked, Mr. McMahon’s cell phone rang, and JBL was on the other end. It’s unclear what the United States Champion said to the Chairman, but McMahon thought it was a great idea and told JBL he would see him Friday. McMahon then returned to his “activities,” and Candice showed him how she’d ride a horsey. That’s cute and all, but as much as everyone loves Candice, I’m a little worried about something else; namely, why the hell did JBL call Mr. McMahon in the middle of RAW, and what is this great idea? The Chairman said that he’d see JBL Friday, so perhaps we’ll find out then.
Speaking of revelations, Mick Foley was supposed to explain himself on RAW, regarding his attack on Tommy Dreamer last week. Instead, Foley came out and said that it was unbelievable even to him, and apologized to the fans. In fact, Mick wanted to apologize to Dreamer personally, but since he couldn’t be at RAW, Foley instead brought out another old friend: Texas legend Terry Funk. The Funker bluntly asked Foley why he did what he did, and instead of spelling it out, the Hardcore Legend took the opportunity to bash ECW. The two friends traded barbs, but after Funk told Foley he saw him as a son, Mick snapped, calling Terry out for being greedy. Referring to Terry not showing up at a 2003 ceremony hailing Mick as a Hardcore legend, Foley told his mentor that he would spit on his grave for free.
I don’t know what’s gotten into Mick, but if there’s one person who is equipped to give it right back, it’s the Funker. As Mick whined, Funk tried to get Foley to fight with quite the line: “If I had a head like yours, I’d have it circumcised.” That didn’t work, so Funk called Foley’s wife a whore and his kids bastards. Still, Mick wouldn’t fight, until Terry said that WWE sucks. That was enough, and the battle was on. Ever the opportunists, Edge & Lita came out to try to help Foley. Funk fought them off, but a low blow from Lita sent him down hard. Edge & Foley then double teamed the hapless Funk, nailing him with a barbed wire bat before Edge hit a spear. Funk was left lying as Edge & Foley gloated. Like I said, I don’t know what Mick is thinking, but perhaps he should rename his blog “Foley is Crazy” this week; personally, I don’t think he’s in the right state of mind these days.
The World Tag Team Championship was also on the line on RAW, as Spirit Squad members Johnny & Nicky took on Goldust & Snitsky. The oddballs pumped themselves up on WWE.com Unlimited, as Goldust talked about shattering dreams and Snitsky massaged his own feet. Wow, that’s even weirder than licking someone else’s feet. Anyway, Snitsky & Goldust started the match hot, but the numbers game proved to be too much. The Spirit Squad used their 4-on-2 advantage to control most of the match, but as the match neared conclusion, the freaky foot-lover was a house of fire. It looked like Snitsky was going for the kill, but the referee got caught up with Mitch outside the ring. This allowed Mikey to vault off the trampoline outside the ring and catch Snitsky with a nasty bulldog, and as the official turned around, Johnny covered Snitsky for the pinfall.
Also on RAW, Trish Stratus came out to settle her score with Mickie James. Despite being injured, the tough Diva called out the Women’s Champion, and they came to blows. Before Mickie could get to Trish, however, that mystery woman from last week came out and attacked Mickie again. The champion ran away, and Trish formally introduced the woman as Mickie’s old friend Beth. Beth then told Mickie she’d never let her get away with what she did, and called the Women’s Champion a psycho. So now we know that her name is Beth, she hates Mickie for some reason, and she’s quite a looker to boot. Good enough for me!
In other action, Matt Striker taught Eugene a lesson, defeating the special Superstar in one-on-one action. Umaga also continued to look impressive, bulldozing through poor Chris Wellman in short order with the Samoan spike.
Chris Masters, Shelton Benjamin & Triple H def. John Cena & Rob Van Dam (3-on-2 Handicap Texas Tornado Championship Match)
World Tag Team Champions Johnny & Nicky def. Snitsky & Goldust
Matt Striker def. Eugene
Umaga def. Chris Wellman
Shawn Michaels vs. Kenny (No Contest)