Raw is War
August 21, 2006
By Ed Williams III
August 21, 2006
SummerSlam may have been the Biggest Party of the Summer, but tonight’s RAW from Bridgeport, Conn. may have been the craziest, most unexpected RAW in recent memory. Over the course of a mere two hours, a WWE Championship…and a WWE Champion were thrown into the Long Island Sound, a daredevil returned, a monster was slayed, the Legend Killer’s weekend remained “uncool”, someone joined an exclusive club, D-Generation X left their mark and perhaps most importantly, the WWE Chairman may have finally been broken down by DX.
When SummerSlam came to a close last night in Boston, it appeared as though D-Generation X had overcome the odds to defeat Mr. McMahon and his son Shane in a tag team match. But, as the McMahons were quick to point out tonight on RAW, they never should have been declared the losers. Mr. McMahon was pinned in the match, but Shane was really the legal man. Therefore, according to the McMahons, the loss should be expunged from the record books. The loss, however, ended up being the least of their worries.
DX made their first appearance on RAW via satellite from the airport just minutes away from the Arena at Harbor Yard. Triple H explained that DX had found Mr. McMahon’s prized $30 million jet in the private hanger, and in typical DX-fashion, there was an incident. As HBK and Triple H commented on the aircraft’s beauty while sipping on champagne, The Game noticed that the Showstopper had scratched the paint on the plane. After contemplating whether or not the WWE Chairman would notice, DX revealed a much more disturbing site – the DX logo emblazoned on the jet’s entire side. Mr. McMahon turned beet red as his anger only began to consume him.
The McMahons came to the ring, and the Chairman thought he had the perfect plan in place to take care of DX. He had notified the authorities of DX’s actions, and the police were on their way to the airport. The McMahons planned on watching the arrest play out on the Tiatn Tron, but DX interrupted their plan once again. HBK and Triple H were shown standing on the roof of WWE’s headquarters in Stamford, Conn. The meddlesome duo commented on how great Americans have left their marks in history. Christopher Columbus left his mark in America, Neil Armstrong left his mark on the moon, and they also showed that DX left their mark on WWE. Michaels and Triple H revealed that in addition to having the DX logo plastered on Mr. McMahon’s private jet, it was also front and center on the entire facade of WWE headquarters. After seeing the results of DX’s latest prank, Mr. McMahon was visibly shaken and almost seemed on the verge of tears. Could DX have finally gone over the line?
After heading to the locker room area, the McMahons ran into Mick Foley, who also had an unpleasant SummerSlam. Foley was forced to utter the words “I Quit” at SummerSlam when Ric Flair appeared on the verge of striking Melina with a barbed wire-covered baseball bat. Foley saw the Chairman and said, “Hi Vince.” And with that comment, Foley sealed his fate.
Already enraged by DX’s antics and defiance, the Chairman was infuriated that Foley called him by his first name. Mr. McMahon also recalled that Foley had recently said that he could kiss his ass. In an effort to brighten his own mood, Mr. McMahon said that Mick Foley would be forced to join the Mr. McMahon Kiss My Ass Club or else someone would be fired.
Foley was contemplating whether or not he could complete the dirty deed when he was greeted by Melina. His good friend, who he had just saved from barbed wire the night before, said that she would support him no matter what his decision was. Later in the evening they both came to the ring.
Foley started off by saying, “I love this job. I love WWE. But I don’t need it,” said Foley. “I’ve saved a fortune over the years on apparel, I haven’t had a haircut in 10 years and I drive a used minivan, so you can’t threaten me with my job.”
Before Foley could go much further, Mr. McMahon cut him off and explained that he didn’t say Foley would be fired, he said that “somebody” would be fired. With that, he told Foley that if he didn’t join the exclusive club, Melina would lose her job.
Foley said that no one is worth kissing Mr. McMahon’s ass over, except for Melina. The Diva tried to talk Foley out of it, but the Hardcore Legend was having none of it.
“I’ve already had my career; you’re on the verge of becoming one of the biggest Superstars WWE has ever seen,” said an impassioned Foley. “I had spoken to you three times when I asked my wife if you could be the Godmother to my youngest son Huey. There is something uniquely special about you. This act represents the lowest point of my career, but it’s a small price to pay for the honor of your friendship.”
Trying to get things over with as soon as he could, Foley implored Mr. McMahon to drop his pants, and with that, Foley had joined the Mr. McMahon Kiss My Ass Club. Little did Foley know, that would not be the low point he had alluded to just moments ago. With his back turned to her, Melina delivered a crushing low blow to her supposed friend Foley, dropping him to the mat. Melina joined the McMahons for one last message to Foley. The Chairman said that just like DX, they had two words for him. Then, one can only assume that Foley’s heart broke in two as Melina screamed, “You’re fired.”
Why would Melina do this to her supposed best friend and mentor? One night ago he had saved her from barbed wire and he had just saved her job, but tonight she broke his heart. What could possess her to do this to Foley after he had done so much for her?
Finally, after enduring all of DX’s defiant antics, the McMahons had smiles on their faces once again. But their night was not over. The McMahons got into their limo, seemingly on their way to the airport. But right after the limo began to pull away, the back wheels came right off the car, as the axle had been jerked from under the vehicle. The limo came to a crashing halt, and the McMahons gingerly got out of the limo only to see the DX logo spraypainted on the limo door. Mr. McMahon could not believe his own eyes and could not contain himself. Has the Chairman finally been broken down by DX? Has DX gone too far? Will the Chairman make the duo feel his wrath?
While Mr. McMahon can’t seem to get rid of DX, Edge also can’t seem to get rid of John Cena. After defeating the hometown hero at SummerSlam, the Rated R Superstar thought he had finally written the final chapter of the Edge vs. Cena story. To celebrate what he thought was his happy ending, Lita threw the WWE Championship, which had been originally custom-made for Cena after he won it at WrestleMania 21, into the Long Island Sound. After the crowd watched the gold thrown into the harbor, Edge’s new Championship belt descended from the rafters, complete with his Rated R logo in the center. Then, he challenged anyone in the back to step up and start the next chapter in the Rated R story, but he didn’t expect that it would be Jeff Hardy who would answer the call.
The daredevil returned and knocked Edge down with a reverse mule kick. Hardy then scaled the top rope like he had done so many times during his first run with WWE three years ago. But before the RAW fans could see a patented Swanton Bomb, Edge retreated and headed to the back. Furious at what had happened, Edge demanded that he get Hardy in a non-title match to teach him a lesson. Mr. McMahon’s Executive Assistant granted Edge his wish, but the Rated R Superstar had no idea what he was getting into.
This was Hardy’s first action in a WWE ring in three years, but his history with Edge, and especially Lita, goes back even further than that. Jeff and Lita, along with Jeff’s brother Matt, used to be known as Team Extreme and helped revolutionize the tag team division. Hardy showed no signs of ring rust as he was flying all over the ring, but Edge was able to stay right with him in the early goings. Hardy was able to hit the Twist of Fate and the Swanton Bomb, but as he went for the cover, Lita pulled Edge out from under the ring. With that, John Cena stormed the ring and attacked the WWE Champion.
Edge tried to retreat through the crowd, but Cena was in hot pursuit. The two battled through the back and out the door. The cameras picked them up by the harbor, around the same spot that Lita had earlier tossed the WWE Championship into the Long Island Sound. Cena tossed Edge around like rag doll. He threw him into a bulletin board, he threw him into some bushes, and like a man possessed, he threw him onto the pier. After trying to be separated by a couple of WWE officials, Cena clocked Edge and tossed him into the harbor, just like Lita had tossed the WWE Championship. Cena had clearly sent a message: “I ain’t goin nowhere!” It was later learned that the Harbor Patrol had rescued the WWE Champion from the water, but Cena made it clear that the final chapter in the Edge vs. Cena story had yet to be written.
Joining the list of people in a foul mood following SummerSlam was the Legend Killer Randy Orton. The youngest World Champion in WWE history claimed that he was screwed in his match with Hulk Hogan and even posed the question that the referee could have been paid off. Orton wanted to make up for it by taking on Ric Flair. Carlito interrupted Orton, and said that seeing Hogan’s hand raised at SummerSlam was “cool.” Orton snapped back saying that Carlito was nothing more than an apple, a catchphrase and a silly haircut.
Ric Flair was in no condition to even accept the match after what he had endured the night before. He had gone through baseball bats, barbed wire and thumb tacks in his “I Quit” Match against Mick Foley, but a bruised and bandaged Flair answered the call, refusing to back down from Orton’s challenge. Flair put up a good fight, but Orton caught him with an RKO for the pin. Following the pin, though, Orton continued to attack Flair. The referee reversed his decision, giving the victory to Flair. Irate, Orton looked to be setting Flair up for a second RKO. Before he could pounce on his prey, Carlito rushed to the ring and attacked Orton. The Legend Killer retreated, but will he be looking for revenge on Carlito?
A couple of weeks ago, Kane defeated Shelton Benjamin to become the No. 1 contender for the Intercontinental Championship. The Big Red Monster has his chance at the gold tonight against Johnny Nitro. Kane was off-setting Nitro’s athleticism and quickness with brute force and looked to have things going his way. But he was halted by the Samoan Bulldozer Umaga. Just last night at SummerSlam, Umaga had been used as one of the McMahons’ resources in their match against DX. Kane had come down to try and counteract Umaga and sent him retreating to the back. Tonight, Umaga had his revenge. After dropping the Big Red Monster with a Samoan Spike, Kane somehow was able to sit up. Umaga made sure it wouldn’t happen again, though, as he leveled him with a couple of vicious headbutts and then scaled the middle rope and came crashing down with a thunderous Samoan Spike that left Kane bleeding from the mouth. The undefeated Umaga bulldozed Kane.
Plus, the Spirit Squad looked to get revenge on both the Highlanders as well as the team of Hacksaw Jim Duggan & Eugene all in one match as they clashed in an Eight-Man Tag Team Match. The unorthodox foursome proved to be too much for the Squad to handle, though, as the Highlanders pinned Nicky after a slingshot reverse suplex.
And Trish Stratus was able to pick up an impressive victory over Victoria after she escaped the Widow’s Peak and hit Stratusfaction for the win.
Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Eugene & The Highlanders def. World Tag Team Champions Spirit Squad (Eight-Man Tag Team Match)
Trish Stratus def. Victoria
Jeff Hardy def. Edge (DQ)
Kane def. Intercontinental Champion Johnny Nitro (DQ)
Ric Flair def. Randy Orton