July 14, 2009
results thanks to pwtorch.com
-They went right to the arena, which blared Triple H’s music. During his entrance, we learned that Raw was LIVE from Orlando, Florida. He seemed impressed by the ovation, and the fans were chanting his name. He caught fans up to speed on the happenings the last month, from Donald Trump buying Raw (boos) to Vince McMahon buying it back, and the celebrity guest host. He said it was his job to introduce the guest host this week. Triple H plugged his credentials then introduced “my friend” Seth Green, to a decent reaction. He’s even got his own Titan-Tron! “Welcome to the Jungle” was his theme music. Seth even posed for the crowd on the turnbuckles. He looks so short compared to Triple H (and probably every other wrestler, save for Rey Mysterio). He got the mic and said his first act was to make a six-diva swimsuit Summer spectacular. But it’s PG-rated! Green said it was in the name of athletic competition that he would book that match. Trips said it was this kind of outside-the-box thinking that makes Robot Chicken wonderful. He also, of course, plugged his appearance on the show without saying his name. They showed a clip from the season premiere in two weeks. Spoiler: He fights Dakota Fanning. The impersonation of JR is pretty funny too. Green said that Trips said he had experience fighting whiny little girls ever since his first match with Randy Orton. The Game said Fanning and Orton have something else in common, that being the lack of male genitalia. That was it for Orton, as he made his way out to the ring.
Green stood next to Triple H as Orton came to the center of the ring. Orton talked about having something Hunter doesn’t, that being the WWE Championship. Orton complained about Green taunting him, saying he’s known as someone who has anger management issues. He said he could get violent with someone no matter how big or pathetically small they may be. Hunter suggested Green make him against Orton tonight. Orton said since Hunter would lose at the PPV, there’s no sense in having him lose tonight too. Orton backed away from Triple H and said he has nothing to say to The Game ‘til Night of Champions. Then Orton asked why Green was in charge and said Green wanted to be there because someone might mistake him for a real man. Orton started leaving again but Green said Orton might want to hear what he has in mind for the main event. He said Orton & Legacy would face Triple H and John Cena......and him. Orton kinda smirked at the idea, then left the ring. Triple H seemed unprepared for the news and appeared to try and tell Green that he’d be OK if he stuck with him. Orton and Hunter stared at each other from a distance. Obvious (and lengthy) plug aside, it was a relatively entertaining opening segment. Green as the wide-eyed host could work throughout the show.
-Kelly Kelly was walking backstage, in her bikini, coming to the ring for the swimsuit match that is next.
-As the cameras panned the Orlando skyline, Cole talked about the main event. Adelita’s Way was at ringside, as they performed the theme song for WWE Superstars.
1- KELLY KELLY & GAIL KIM & MICKIE JAMES vs. ALICIA FOX & ROSA MENDES & MARYSE- SIX-DIVA SUMMER SWIMSUIT SPECTACULAR
Kim went right for a roll-up, good for only one. Kim got a hurricanrana, but Fox came back with an elbow. The girls were all barefoot except for Kelly, if you’re scoring at home. Kelly did her cartwheel splash in the corner, but Rosa tossed her to the mat for two. Rosa ushered Kelly to the heel corner and Alicia tagged back in. Rear chin-lock by A. Fox. Palm Trees in each corner outside the ring as well. Mickie and Maryse both tagged in at the same time. Mickie went to work on her then took out her teammates as well. Hurricanrana, then Mickie went to the top for a Thesz Press that was a bit sloppy. Fox broke up the pin and everyone bot involved. Eventually, it was back down to Maryse and Mickie and Maryse sent her shoulder-first into the corner. DDT by Maryse finished it.
WINNERS: Fox, Mendes & Maryse at 3:45. I usually reserve this space to discuss the in-ring work of the match but really, for this one....what’s the point?
-Seth Green was in his office with a Star Wars picture on the wall. Chris Jericho walked in and said he mocked Star Wars after saying he’s a fan, just like he’s done tonight with WWE. Green said he’s wrong, he’s thrilled and excited to be the guest GM. Jericho said it was a mistake for Green to not cater to him, the biggest star in WWE. Green said he just wants to give the fans what they want. Jericho mentioned the Robot Chicken Roller Skating Bus Tour and Jericho didn’t like that it was for free. He said Green was an embarrassment and a drone, just like all the fans. Green said if Jericho’s just going to be negative, maybe he should leave. Chris said he has an agenda so he’s not going to leave- he’s going to say his peace and Green better stay out of his way.
-Primo was in the ring and Lilian Garcia announced him for a match. He already had new music. Primo got on the mic and called Carlito out. Instead, the Miz came out and asked Primo where the other Colon was. He said he didn’t know, but he’s here and he’s going to take Primo on apparently.
2- PRIMO vs. THE MIZ
Primo fired away at Miz in the corner, then gave him a back-body drop. Miz stopped him with a kick to the gut, then sent him face-first into the corner. When Miz locked him in a hold, the fans got behind Primo. Nice Russian leg-sweep from the younger Colon. Dropkick sent Miz to the mat as Primo continued to show good energy. Cross-body off the second rope for two, then Carlito’s music hit and he walked to the ring. It didn’t seem to distract Primo ‘til Carlito go on the apron. Miz took advantage and planted Primo with his finisher to pick up the victory.
WINNER: The Miz, at 2:14. Interesting that the Miz didn’t even reference Cena in his pre-match promo. Hope they don’t leave him directionless for too long; he deserves better. Match was fine, but short.
After the bout, Carlito walked in the ring in a t-shirt and jeans, kicked Primo in the gut, then took a bite of his trademark apple and spit it in his brother’s face.
-Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler discussed Edge’s injury, suffered at a WWE House Show. They showed a picture of him laid up in the hospital and speculated about what would happen to the titles at Night of Champions.
-The announcers plugged the six-man main event slated for tonight.
-Hornswoggle was talking to Seth Green backstage and said Chavo would get a re-match with Horny....with Chavo’s arm tied behind his back. Horny left and Green turned around and saw the Big Show standing in his office. Green asked if Show had any advice for him for the six-man tonight. Show told him to watch his match with Evan Bourne tonight to see how someone close to his size would fare in a WWE ring tonight. As for advice....he did the Dr. Evil “1 Million Dollars” impression from Austin Powers, but Seth was not amused.
3- MVP vs. JACK SWAGGER
The two grapplers went face-to-face once the bell rang, and MVP did most of the trash talking. Swagger responded by using his amateur wrestling skills to take MVP down. MVP fought back with right hands to show the dichotomy between the two superstars and their styles. Swagger went to ringside and was yelling at the announcers, angry at what just happened, when the show went to break about a minute into the contest.
MVP leaped off the second rope to avoid Swagger and landed a clothesline to take Swagger down when the show returned. Outside the ring, MVP decked Swagger and threw him into the barricade. MVP was going to hit the Playmaker back in the ring, but Swagger avoided it and tossed MVP into the ring-post shoulder-first. He continued working the left arm of MVP into the post. He slammed MVP, putting MVP’s arm behind his back for him to land on. He yelled for Montel Vontavious Porter to give up, but instead, he fought back. Clothesline in the corner, then a face-buster. He hit the “Ballin’!” elbowdrop for two. Porter back-dropped Swagger over the top rope, but Jack landed on the apron and pulled the arm of MVP over the top rope. That was enough for Swagger to hit the gut-wrench powerbomb for the win.
WINNER: Swagger, at 8:31. Good win for Swagger.
-Jericho was walking backstage with some sort of notebook in hand. He’s going to speak next.
-Cole (with his ‘70s look of having his dress shirt’s top few buttons unbuttoned) and Lawler talked on camera once again about Edge’s injury and they showed graphic footage of the surgery. Lawler said it would be “a long time” before Edge would be able to return.
-That segued nicely into Chris Jericho coming out. He said for the first time in history, the Unified Tag Titles are now being held by one man, and the best in the business as well. Jericho compared Edge to the great warrior Achilles. He said he should’ve known better than to pick a partner as injury-prone as Edge. He listed the Rated R Superstar’s injuries and said he was the weak link of the team. Jericho said he can’t defend the championships at Night of Champions by himself. The hypocrites in the crowd no doubt think he should be stripped of the title (his words, not mine). Jericho said there would be no stripping him of the title, and no tag team tournament tonight put on by Seth Green. He then brought out a contract for Night of Champions, which had a clause that said if Edge got hurt, he could choose a tag partner and remain champion. Jericho said his partner would be the opposite of Edge- intelligent and worthy of standing in the ring with him, among others. He said he’d be truthful, honest and just too. Then Mark Henry’s music came on and Henry, laughing on his way to the ring, walked out. Didn’t look like Jericho expected it though.
Jericho called Henry an impressive sight, the exact type of partner he had in mind. Henry took the mic and put his arm around Jericho. Henry said they could do unbelievable things, then he asked Orlando what they thought of them as a team. They booed. Henry said he didn’t come out to be Jericho’s partner. The look on Jericho’s face got a bit dimmer. Henry said he came out to be his opponent. Then he clotheslined Jericho and tore the suit-coat off of him. Then the dress shirt. He stopped at Jericho’s mid-section and choked him in the corner. A referee came into the ring as Jericho bailed, without his shirt or coat but still with his tie around his bare chest and neck. As he went back up the ramp, Henry invited him back in the ring. Jericho came back to ringside and I guess we’re getting a match.
4- CHRIS JERICHO vs. MARK HENRY
Is this Jericho’s punishment for bad-mouthing Seth Green earlier? Loud “you suck” chants from fans. He really milked getting into the ring. Finally he did, only to be headbutted and bealed out of the corner by Jericho. Lawler did say that Green made the match official. Henry stood on Jericho near the ropes. That’s Big Show’s move! I’m sure Show wouldn’t have a problem if Henry did it on a different brand. Or perhaps with a pinch at the end. After more punishment from Henry, Jericho fled the ring and didn’t come back.
WINNER: Henry, by count-out, at 1:29. I think they’re making this Henry’s gimmick where his opponents run away from him. Henry had some fun with the fans after the match, having them react to his arm motions.
-Another plug for the main event of the match tonight.
5- HORNSWOGGLE vs. CHAVO GUERRERO- CHAVO TO FIGHT WITH ONE ARM TIED BEHIND HIS BACK
I think they should’ve done “arm tied behind the back” before “fight on your knees.” Chavo went on his knees anyway and grabbed Horny by the throat. He bit Chavo again. Chavo chased Hornswoggle around the ring, but got led into the turnbuckle and Horny got some offense in. Not much crowd heat for this one. Stinkface in the corner by Hornswoggle. He was going for a Bronco Buster next, but Chavo got a foot to the face. Chavo stepped on the back of Hornswoggle. Chavo eventually got inside cradled by Hornswoggle to lose.
WINNER: Horny, at 2:06. This Hornswoggle in-the-ring stuff really needs to end.
-Ted DiBiase, Randy Orton and Cody Rhodes talked things over backstage. Orton warned them not to touch Seth Green, as he wanted to take him out personally.
-Kofi Kingston, the United States Champion, came out to do guest commentary for the next match.
6- EVAN BOURNE vs. THE BIG SHOW
Seth Green was getting ready for action backstage during Bourne’s entrance....I’m sure they wanted to show him watching as per Show’s request earlier in the night. Lawler speculated that Dusty Rhodes would be guest host next week.
Bourne tried to go after the legs of Show, but it didn’t work so well. Double underhook by Show as he stretched Bourne’s arms then threw him across the ring. After he choked Bourne, he then stepped over him. Hard chop to the chest. Ho, I just noticed our new referee! Looks kinda like Dave Chappelle. Scouring the FCW roster, it appears to be Justin King. More offense from Big Show. He tossed Bourne between the ropes and out of the ring. Bourne tried to come back, dropkicking Show off the top rope, without much effect. Spear by Show that took Bourne out of his boots, then he put on the Camel Clutch (called “that....that colossal clutch” by Cole) to end the match. Green looked on with fear backstage.
WINNER: Show, at 2:08. I understand putting a big guy over a little guy- it makes the big guy’s offense look good, especially if the little guy can sell. But if you’ve got someone special like Bourne, you don’t want to bury them like this.
Show didn’t let go, so Kingston got in the ring and chased Show off.
-Cole and Lawler talked about the Robot Chicken DVD that comes out next week, and they gave viewers a sneak peek of it. Cue Cole’s “vintage” fake laugh.
-Lawler called the main event “one of the most star-studded in history.” Zuh? They plugged the match once again before break.
-The announcers previewed the Night of Champions card.
-Someone was playing with Iron Sheik and Santino Marella action figures backstage. Oh, it was Santino. Then he had his figure make out with Trish Stratus’ figure. He was sitting on a couch with Seth Green. Green kinda ignored Santino when Cena and Triple H came in. Marella got the message and left. Green said he was getting more nervous by the second and said he may be in over his head. Cena grabbed him by the shirt and gave him a pep talk that freaked him out, then told him he was just kidding. Green took a hit on his inhaler as the two real wrestlers tried to convince Seth THEY were the one that would protect him in the ring. I was hoping we’d get more Santino-Seth Green interaction.
-Cole and Lawler announced that next week’s Raw would be at North Carolina State next week because it was announced that ZZ Top would be the guest hosts for Raw.
-Cole congratulated John Cena for 12 Rounds being the #1 DVD in America this past week.
-Everybody made their entrances for the main event (Legacy together, the face team separately). It’s next.
7- RANDY ORTON & TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES vs. SETH GREEN & TRIPLE H & JOHN CENA
Triple H was in there with Rhodes after break, the match having started while the show was at commercial. It was all offense by Hunter, as one would expect. He wanted to tag Seth, but he wasn’t so willing, so he tagged Cena instead. Face-buster to Rhodes, cover got two. I believe a “We Want Seth” chant from the crowd. Green tagged in. He shrugged his shoulders as Cena held Rhodes, then he punched him right in the mouth. Rhodes quickly got back to his feet and chased Green around the ring. Triple H took Rhodes out, then put him in the ring for Green to cover. He only got two, so he tagged back out to Cena. With DiBiase distracting the ref, Orton gave Cena his trademark back-breaker. Cena was outside the ring where again Legacy took advantage. Crowd chanted for Cena, but he instead got DDT’d by Orton with Cena’s legs across the middle rope. Rhodes came back in and put Cena in a full-nelson. Cena used his strength to break out, then the two collided with stereo double clotheslines. Orton and Triple H tagged in and Hunter caught Orton with a high knee. He knocked DiBiase and Rhodes of the apron, then gave the WWE Champion a spinebuster. Pedigree, but Legacy interfered. Cena came in to, well not even things out, but close. Orton snuck in an RKO out of nowhere, but he was too out of it to make an immediate pin. He finally made it over, but Green jumped on Orton’s back to break up the pin. Orton grabbed Green by the shirt when he realized what happened. He kicked him right in the gut and then lined him up for a punt to the head. Cena tackled him before he could greach Green. But then Legacy came in as well. Rhodes got a chair, bringing it into the ring and causing a DQ. Triple H got a sledgehammer and cleared the ring, but almost of his partner Cena as well.
WINNERS: Green, Triple H & Cena, 7:20 shown. Green’s part in the match was relatively entertaining. They booked it well around him and DiBiase’s injury.
The two men stared at each other in the ring as Green joined them. “Seth, Seth” chants from the crowd. Cena and Hunter got on either side of him and raised their arms in victory. Trips then put Green on his shoulders and the faces stood in victory in the ring, while the heels stood on the ramp in frustration.