Raw
Minneapolis, Minnesota
January 11, 2010
results thanks to wrestleview.com
Mike Tyson comes out and
he’s looking to the left and the right all nervous. He’ll probably bite me.
Anyways a video of 1998 airs and we get our token REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED~
moment for the evening.
Tyson is in the ring saying ‘yeah’ and then WWE Champion Sheamus’ music hits and
Tyson is in the ring with the whitest guy he’s ever faced since Gerry Cooney.
Sheamus is jaw jacking and Tyson isn’t excited, so he and Tyson get in each
other’s faces quickly before Randy Orton’s music hits. Nothing like a little
therapy to kick to the show off with. Orton’s got butthurt because he wants to
be a champion again and demands to be made #1 contender.
John Cena comes out to the ring like he’s stopping off at the bar after a long
night of plowing drive ways. He says he’s beaten everyone so he has no idea why
everyone’s laying claim to the title. Kofi Kingston is out there to obviously
get some big time rub. He complains about DAGLASSCEILING~ and it’s a whine-fest.
Sheamus even hates wrestling so much he wants to skip the Rumble. With these
women, who can blame him. Tyson says ‘no’ in the interest of making money off a
pay per view buy. We’ll have a triple threat tonight to decide the #1 contender.
****Commercial****
Kelly Kelly vs. Alicia Foxx
It’s the Divas tournament. Kelly looks like a shitty 80’s shag carpet. Alicia
looks like a powder puff. Alicia has some nifty strikes and uncorks some in the
early going. Kelly does a good learning leap frog and a crazy cross body to the
floor. Kelly brings some kicks of her own before going for her tilt a whirl
thingy. She goes for another one and gets her neck shattered with a big power
bomb. When will the girls in this division stop trying to do crappy Indy
counters they’re not athletic enough to pull off? Alicia wins, which is probably
a good thing.
Winner: Alicia via pin fall
****Commercial****
John Cena was at the Fiesta Bowl. In case you missed it that is….
Cody Rhodes and Ted Dibiase are in the ring talking about how not good Ted’s
movie is. Ted says he’ll with the Rumble.
Legacy vs. Evan Bourne & Mark Henry
Good little match here. Bourne is a fantastic baby face in peril. He does a lot
of little things great, but especially selling those points of impact. Sells the
back when he lands on it. Sells the back AND the shoulder when he gets dropped
kick. He exerts pain and it makes things that much easier to get into. Rhodes
and Dibiase are no slouches here, either, and have lots of extra-special ways to
make their double teams and rest holds look extra special hurty. Henry’s hot tag
is awesome with the clotheslines and military press even though the crowd’s not
really into it. Bourne takes a revolting bump on the Cody Rhodes finisher and
kids, that’s a good little tag match.
Winners: The Legacy via pin fall
Shawn Michaels obviously thinks he’s Barrack Obama because he’s on a giant
apology tour. This week, he’s going to apologize to Mike Tyson. HBK says Tyson,
like him, is a changed man. We’ll see.
****Commercial****
Michaels and Tyson aren’t doing so hot at making up. Jericho walks in and
apparently him and Tyson are long-lost buddies because they’re held down by the
man. It’s going to be Jericho and TYSON~ vs. DX in a match. This should be
pretty awesome.
A video putting over Bret Hart’s return to Raw aired. We’re still apologizing
for being ‘us’.
****Commercial****
Swaggger’s running around like an idiot and he says he’s winning the Rumble. He
sounds like a drunk Steve Brule. He says there isn’t anyone who can throw him
over the top rope. Santino’s music hits which means he disagrees.
Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella
So Santino’s got some swank Dusty jabs. He quickly crashes and burns though, and
Swagger goes to toss him out, but Santino hangs on and Swagger spills to the
floor. Apparently this was an over-the-top-rope match. No explanation apparently
beforehand. How TNA of WWE.
Winner: Santino Marella
****Commercial****
#1 Contender’s Match
Randy Orton vs. John Cena vs. Kofi Kingston
The ‘Cena sucks’ crowd’s there. They’re not seeing MOVEZ~ so they’re unhappy.
Please die.
Cena and Kofi plant Orton outside after some double teams. Cena and Kofi tease
and EPICOMG showdown before Sheamus distracts them long enough for Orton to jump
both. Kudos to not taking the myopic Triple threat formula.
****Commercial****
Orton DRILLS Cena with a great looking DDT. While he’s mid-load blow, Kofi hits
a cross body. After about a minute, Cena’s back into the match. He slaps an STF
while Kofi’s dancing like an A-hole and this is funny. One guy gets an
advantage, does some nutty celebration and some other guy saves them. Cena stars
slapping Orton around and looks for an FU only for Kofi to intervene. Kofi hits
an awful lariat and then a trouble in paradise. The Legacy shows up and it’s
interference central. Orton hits a freaking jaw-dropping RKO on Kingston and
that’s it.
Winner: Randy Orton via pin fall
Wow, Randy-Sheamus should be interesting.
Mike Tyson tells Hornswoggle he’s going to jump rope with his intestines. I’m a
fan.
****Commercial****
The Miz doesn’t like bullying. Apparently everyone’s a jerk. He cuts a
phenomenal promo outlining what makes him, well… him. MVP comes out and cuts an
awesome promo about being a guy locked up without sounding too exploitive. Great
stuff and great scuffle after the show. Who’d have thought? A promo that makes
me want to see a match.
Eve vs. Katie Lea
We get another match with the girls rolling around on the mat. Eve’s got great
baby face charisma and IMO, she’ll make a pretty decent worker someday, but it’s
still not there. Katie Lea has got to stop dressing like an idiot. Someone give
this chick a gimmick. Eve wins by roll up and then makes funny faces with Maryse.
Winner: Eve via pin fall
****Commercial****
Vince comes out and cuts another promo on Bret Hart butthurt.
Tyson is practicing in the back.
****Commercial****
DX vs. Mike Tyson & Chris Jericho
Tyson and HBK start things off. Tyson bullies HBK around before Triple H comes
in and gets powered around as well. No knockout shots or anything but smart use
to protect Tyson and make him look good early in. Jericho comes in and
everything looks a little more fluid. Jericho and Michaels have some fun back
and forth before Hornswoggle comes out and distracts everyone. HHH and Michaels
protect the little guy while Jericho tells them not to mess because he’s got the
baddest man in the planet with him. Tyson removes his shirt to reveal a DX
T-shirt and KO’s Jericho so Michaels can make the pin.
Winners: DX via pin fall
After the match Tyson’s son is brought into the ring by Triple H and everyone
gives a big crotch chop. Fun, if uneventful way to end the show.