Raw
London, England
April 12, 2010
results thanks to pwtorch.com
-After the Raw opening,
pryo blasted and the camera panned the crowd. The British flag was on display on
the big screen. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler hyped the Randy Orton vs. Batista
main event. The crowd chanted "Hoff! Hoff!" Hoff!" Out walked women dressed as
monks (I think) with David Hasselhoff facemasks. Hasselhoff walked out of his
Night Rider car on the stage. He then shook hands with fans on his way to the
ring, shaking hands to a song that he apparently sang.
Hasselhoff, or Hoff as I'll call him, said they're going to have a "Hoff-tastic
night." He said, to quote a WWE Superstar, "The Hoff has finally come to Monday
Night Raw." He said he's heard the cries from the WWE Universe that they love
Raw, but there's not enough Hoff. This is surreal. I've heard Europe loves him,
but I didn't know it was like this. He said he knows how to throw a party
they'll never forget or maybe not remember. He said he's going to honor
"Baywatch" by booking a "Baywatch Baby Triple Threat" match. Lawler said that's
awesome. If it's possible to be too corny for a pro wrestling show, Hoff may
have done it.
Hoff said he was watching Smackdown the other night and he realized there was no
no. 1 contender for the World Title. He said if one man beats the World Champion
twice, he should be entitled to that match, so he's announcing that on Extreme
Rules, Jack Swagger will defend his title against Randy Orton. He then announced
Orton vs. Batista would happen tonight. He was hamming it up and being
over-the-top corny.
1 -- MARYSE vs. EVE TORRES - Diva's Title Match
Lawler: "Eve is so hot she's contributing to global warming." Maryse slapped Eve
at the start. They brawled to the floor in the opening seconds. Maryse rammed
Eve's head into the ring apron and threw her back into the ring. Eve came back
with a neckbreaker at 1:00, but then missed a moonsault attempt when Maryse
moved. Maryse laughed. Cole called her "a strange cat." Maryse slapped Eve a few
times. Eve blocked a DDT attempt and bridged into a three count upset win. It's
Eve's first title win.
WINNER: Eve Torres to capture the WWE Diva's Championship in 2:00.
-They showed The Bigger Show and The Miz headed to the entrance tunnel
backstage. Cole said Miz says he has a major announcement. [c]
-The Bigger Show told Miz that he was skeptical of being Miz's partner, but he's
shown he had nothing to worry about. Miz said he's amazed that Show is so big
but has such a small ego. He said ShowMiz is the greatest tag team in WWE
history. The crowd booed. Miz said, "You booed that? Really? Really?" He asked
the crowd to name a team better than them. Bret Hart's music played.
Bret entered the ring and said he can think of two tag teams better than them:
The Hart Foundation and the British Bulldogs. He said he's not talking about tag
teams that were good for a couple of months, but rather for years. Miz said
David Hasselhoff isn't the only '90s icon who is totally delusional. He said if
he was in his era, he'd put a sharpshooter on him faster than he can put a pair
of sunglasses on an ugly kid. He said as for the Bulldogs, he's a fan, but if
they had to face them, he'd have no problem slapping them in their little
British faces, doing a British accent as he said it. Show said this is the last
time he's going to warn Bret. Show told Bret to leave. Bret said he's not ready
to leave because he knows there's a tag team in the back who can beat them.
Miz asked why they're there. Bret said he invited them. Bret said he fought
David Hart Smith's father in London at Wembley Stadium in one of the greatest
matches of all time. Miz said in a snarky voice, "Fascinating. And that has what
to do with us now?" DHS spoke. He said his father is there watching tonight. He
said he is issuing a challenge to Miz one-on-one tonight. He said if he wins,
then the Hart Dynasty gets a Unified Tag Team Title match at Extreme Rules. Miz
accepted the challenge "on one condition." He said when he wins, next week live
on Raw, Bret Hart will declare that ShowMiz is in fact the greatest tag team of
all time. Bret said, "You're on." Good segment. It's nice to see Bret not
talking about the Montreal Screwjob. It's also good to see Miz continue to show
off his strong mic work. DHS was even decent, and usually he's a black hole of
charisma. These simple stips with title shots and pride at stake is stripping
pro wrestling down the basics and it's all that's needed if the characters are
likable or annoying. [c]
3 -- THE MIZ (The Big Show) vs. DAVID HART SMITH (w/Tyson Kidd)
Joined in progress, DHS went on offense first. Miz made a comeback at 2:00 and
applied a partial camel clitch.
[Q3]
DHS made a comeback at 4:00 with a couple clotheslines and a powerslam for a two
count. Miz came back and climbed to the top rope, but DHS kicked him in the face
with a boot. Lawler said Miz has "Krispy Kreme eyes, glazed over right now." DHS
applied a sharpshooter. Show stood on the ring apron, so DHS released the hold
(why?) and hit Show. Kidd dove at Show at ringside and got slapped in the chest.
Miz then lifted DHS and Show punched him in the kidney. Miz hit the Skull
Crushing Finale for the win.
WINNER: Miz in 6:00.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Nothing special, but not bad. [c]
-A vignette aired on David Otunga with clips of his guest hosting gig last week
on Raw and then clips hyping Batista-Cena at Extreme Rules.
-Backstage Otunga and Batista chatted. Batista told Otunga to wait until he sees
what he does to Cena at Extreme Rules. Batista said he's tired and needs an
energy boost. He told him to get him a cup of coffee. Otunga paused, then said,
"Oh, you almost had me!" He chuckled, but Batista didn't laugh. Otunga said he
was going to get coffee anyway. Otunga turned and bumped into The Hoff. The Hoff
said he's probably wondering why he invited him to Raw again this week. Otunga
said maybe he wants a role in his movie as his father or maybe grandfather. Hoff
mock-laughed, then said the person who invited him to Raw was John Cena. He said
he has arranged for a match between them tonight. Hoff asked his car how long
it'll take Cena to beat Otunga. The car estimated 22 seconds.
[Q4] [c]
4 -- EVAN BOURNE vs. CARLITO
This is one of those matches where you instantly assume it'll last 20 seconds
before someone runs in and beats them both up because it's so out of nowhere.
But instead they actually wrestled a match, one of those "only Raw in Europe"
events. It went about four whole minutes, with Bourne winning a back and forth
match after blocking a Back Stabber and hitting the Shooting Star Press for the
win.
WINNER: Bourne in 4:00.
-Cole hyped Batista vs. Orton and Cena vs. Otunga. [c]
-Ring intros took place or the Cena-Otunga match. Otunga came out to the NXT
opening theme.
[Q5]
5 -- JOHN CENA vs. DAVID OTUNGA
Lawler said in the limited time he's been around Otunga, he doesn't seem like
he's easily intimidated. "I think this kid is so cocky, arrogant, and full of
himself, he might be too stupid to be nervous." Cena dominated from the start.
Batista stepped onto the stage and distracted Cena. Cena applied the STF. Otunga
tapped out. Batista turned his back and couldn't watch. Afterward Cena called
Batista to the ring. The crowd taunted Batista with a chant of "You tapped out!"
Batista turned and walked to the back. Cena shook his head.
WINNER: Cena in 2:00.
-Cole plugged Batista vs. Cena again. Lawler plugged the Baywatch Babe Triple
Threat Tag Team match. [c]
-Sheamus walked out to the ring. He said Triple H only brings his sledgehammer
out against someone he fears, and he obviously fears him. He said he just got
word that he and Triple H will be competing in a street fight at Extreme Rules.
He was booed when he said was raised in Dublin, Ireland. He said it's tougher
than "anywhere in this fallen empire." He said Triple H just showing up at
Extreme Rules will be the biggest mistake of his career. Sheamus's promo-closing
music was interrupted by Kofi Kingston. He said he's mistaken if he doesn't
think he'll get revenge for what he did to him last week. He said he just spoke
to The Hoff and he booked them in a match tonight. Kingston entered the ring.
The referee ran in and started the match officially.
[Q6]
6 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. SHEAMUS
Back and forth early. Lawler and Cole talked about what a great year Sheamus
had. Lawler said Kingston had a great year, too. Kingston rallied at 4:00. He
ducked a Sheamus attempt at a big boot and then hit a Trouble in Paradise for a
very near fall. Sheamus grabbed the bottom rope to save himself. Sheamus rolled
to the floor. Kingston rolled out after him. Sheamus used the monitor off the
announcers' table as a weapon, so the ref DQ'd him.
WINNER: Kingston in 5:00 via DQ.
STAR RATING: *1/4 -- This slows down the idea that Kingston is being totally
buried. A DQ win for Sheamus fits the idea of him being ruthless, but he easily
could have also pinned Kingston clean and still beat up Kofi afterward, so they
were protecting Kofi from seeming like he wasn't even in Sheamus's league.
-Afterward, Sheamus rammed Kingston into the ringpost first back-first and then
stomach-first. Then he gave Kofi a boot to the side of the head. He leaned down,
grabbed Kofi's head, and shouted, "That's what I'm going to do to Triple H!"
Referees intervened and talked him into walking away. [c]
-A commercial aired hyping the WWE Draft in two weeks.
-Carlito went looking for The Hoff backstage. Vladimir Kozlov said Hoff isn't
around, but he's looking for better opponents on Raw. Carlito said the guest
hosts haven't been giving either of them the opportunities they want. Carlito
said if he doesn't get traded to Smackdown, he's quitting. He said next week the
cast of the movie "MacGruber" are guest hosting next week. He said their plans
probably have nothing to do with them. Kozlov said if he doesn't get what he
wants next week. he'll "destroy MacGruber."
-Lawler and Cole hyped the line-up for Extreme Rules.
[Q7]
-Josh Matthews interviewed Orton, asking what his plans were for Extreme Rules.
Orton said there are no rules and he's perfectly fine with that. He said he's
sent over a dozen people to the hospital since his WWE career started including
the Chairman. He said he didn't do that playing by the rules. He said winning
the MITB and the World Title is going to cost him. He said he is the last person
Swagger should want to step into the ring with. He said his match with Swagger
is simply business. He said as far as Batista tonight is concerned, that's
something completely different. He said it's something he's been looking forward
to for a very long time.
-The Hoff came out and sat in a lifeguard chair at ringside. Kelly Kelly and
Gail Kim ran to the ring in Baywatch one-piece swimsuits. Baywatch music played
and they showed them in slo-mo like in Baywatch.
7 -- ROSA MENDEZ & JILLIAN HALL vs. GAIL KIM & KELLY KELLY vs. THE BELLA SWINS
As the Bella Twins ran to the ring, Cole said he wishes he couldn't swim.
Santino ran out in slo-mo as the special guest referee. No heat at all for this
match. Seeing the women in the same outfits really de-personalized their
individuality.
WINNERS: The Bella Twins on the switcheroo over Rosa in 2:00.
-Afterward Santino swallowed his whistle after blowing it in Jillian's face.
That meant he had to get CPR. The Hoff called for help. Hornswoggle ran out to
the ring and gave Santino CPR on his chest. It was really bad CPR. He then
yanked the whistle string, but it wouldn't budge. Hornswoggle hit the Tadpole
Splash and that caused the whistle to pop out. Corny Raw humor. I'm sure it was
the highlight of Vince McMahon's week. I can hear him cackling backstage.
-They showed Batista getting warmed up backstage. [c]
[Q8]
-Cole plugged the cast of "MacGruber" as next week's guest hosts. Then a video
package aired on WQWE's tour of Europe.
8 -- RANDY ORTON vs. BATISTA
To attempt to give meaning to this match, Lawler said losing here cuts off any
momentum headed into Extreme Rules. They predictably cut to a break at about
2:00. At 7:00 Batista hit Orton with the lid to the announce table. Orton made a
comeback, but when he tried to re-enter the ring, Batista kicked him in the
head. Batista then set up a spear. Orton locked it with a kick. The crowd
chanted "RKO! RKO!" Batista punched back at Orton. They exchanged punches, and
the crowd chanted along to each. Orton hit a powerslam and then he slammed the
mat with his fists. Lawler: "He's going to that other place right now." At 10:00
the crowd chanted for an "RKO!" Orton instead opted to set up the punt kick, but
Batista rolled out of the ring.
[Q9]
Orton hit a DDT off the second rope for a near fall. Batista made a comeback
with a spinebuster. Orton hit an RKO out of nowhere. Swagger jumped Orton from
behind and lifted his weight and turned it into a gut-wrench powerbomb. The ref
called for the DQ.
WINNER: Orton via DQ in 12:00.
STAR RATING: **1/4 -- The match existed for the Swagger and Cena run-ins and
fill time with two stars in the mean time. It served its purpose well enough.
-Cena attacked Batista afterward and applied the STF. Batista tapped
frantically. Cena then stood and celebrated as his music played and the show
ended. A short overrun, at just three or four minutes.