WWE Raw is War
Washington, D.C.
March 12, 2007
thanks to: wwe.com
Billion dollar burn
By Noah Starr
March 12, 2007
In an unbelievable turn of events in front of 14,740 WWE fans in Washington,
D.C., Raw went off the air with Donald Trump laying Mr. McMahon out right on his
billion dollar backside.
With Trump, Mr. McMahon, ECW World Champion Bobby Lashley, Intercontinental
Champion Umaga, Armando Estrada and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin all in one ring
for the Battle of the Billionaires contract signing, tensions were
understandably high. But who would have guessed that it would be Trump who would
make the first move by shoving the WWE Chairman right over a table? Trump seemed
very confident with his choice of Bobby Lashley, who will act as his
representative in what will no doubt be one of the most exciting WrestleMania
matches of all time.
When the night first got under way, a confrontation between World Tag Team
Champions John Cena and Shawn Michael lit up the Verizon Center. With Cena still
wary of a double-cross by HBK, the two Superstars looked ready to brawl when
Jonathan Coachman arrived to inform them of what he had in store for them later
in the night. With Mr. McMahon busy preparing for the Battle of the Billionaires
contract signing, Coachman decided to pit Cena and HBK against three other tag
teams in a Gauntlet Match that would end inside a steel cage!
After disposing of The World’s Greatest Tag Team and Cade & Murdoch, a kick from
HBK got a little too close for comfort for John Cena. As the 15-foot steel cage
lowered onto the ring, the World Tag Team Champions were staring daggers. MNM
stepped into the ring next and put up quite a fight. After Cena gave Joey
Mercury an FU and the cage was lifted, all eight competitors mixed it up in a
burly free-for-all. Suddenly, Cena swung a chair, HBK ducked to avoid it, and it
landed hard on Charlie Haas. Some say if Cena had wanted to hit Michaels with
the chair he would have done it, while others say Cena was just waiting for the
right moment to strike. With two weeks left until WrestleMania, only time will
tell.
WWE fans were on their feet as The Rock delivered a message via the Titan Tron.
After revealing Umaga’s name is Samoan for “shriveled up monkey penis,” the Most
Electrifying Superstar in sports-entertainment had a statement for Mr. McMahon:
“You will get your head shaved bald at WrestleMania, Vince. That is a guaran-damn-tee.”
Randy Orton claimed the final spot in WrestleMania’s Money in the Bank Ladder
Match by eliminating both Carlito and Ric Flair during a Triple Threat
Qualifying Match. Although the fact that the match involved eliminations was a
surprise to all, Orton was able to deliver two devastating RKOs and smoothly
roll with the punches (literally).
Orton’s Rated-RKO partner and fellow WrestleMania competitor was up to his old
tricks. In one night, Edge managed to back his way out of a match with Jeff
Hardy (claiming he wouldn’t perform in a city whose football team was callously
named the Redskins), arrange for Randy Orton to face ECW World Champion Bobby
Lashley, and get into a heated face-off with third generation Superstar Orton.
In lieu of competing in his match, Edge brought out a worthy competitor for
Hardy, The Great Khali!
Last week on Raw, Khali stormed into the arena and shouted, “I want Kane!” Later
on SmackDown, the Punjabi monster split Kane open in a locker room area ambush.
The tension obviously got to the demented Kane, who entered the Verizon Center
this week with his eyes on Khali. With hook and chain in hand, Kane looked
frighteningly like his character Jacob Goodnight from See No Evil. Kane used his
hook to topple the announce table in an effort to make his message clear. As J.R.
so eloquently put it, “Kane wants to get his hooks in Khali!”
In other Raw action, Chris Masters demanded a challenger to compete in his
Master Lock Challenge. When no one stepped up, Masters decided he would like to
lock it up with Lilian Garcia. Just then, Super Crazy rushed in to rescue the
beautiful Raw ring announcer. All too soon, Super Crazy became another victim of
the Master Lock, which has yet to be officially broken.
Also, Women’s Champion Melina defeated Torrie Wilson in a non-title match. After
Melina picked up the victory, she took a cheap shot on Torrie that brought
Mickie James (and later Victoria) rushing to the ring. When Melina’s
WrestleMania opponent and current Playboy cover girl, Ashley, showed up, the
scene looked like an impromptu Diva Lumber Jill Match had broken out.
Matches
Randy Orton def. Ric Flair and Carlito (Triple Threat Elimination Money in the
Bank Qualifying Match)
Chris Masters def. Super Crazy (Master Lock Challenge)
World Tag Team Champions John Cena & Shawn Michaels def. World's Greatest Tag Team, Cade & Murdoch and MNM (Gauntlet Match)
The Great Khali vs. Jeff Hardy (No Conntest)
Women's Champion Melina def. Torrie Wilson (Non Title Match)