Raw
Dallas, Texas
March 30, 2009
results thanks to pwtorch.com
The show started with a backstage
shot of a hearse. Undertaker's old school church organ theme music was playing
in the background. Cue the opening Raw video package. Michael Cole then welcomed
us to WrestleMania week. Over 16,000 in Big D tonight. Jerry Lawler then
explained the hearse: a funeral for Mr. WrestleMania, Shawn Michaels. Also, Big
Show vs. John Cena.
1 -- 18-DIVAS BATTLE ROYALE
Nine of the heel divas were already in the ring. Babyfaces ran through intros.
ECW assistant Tiffany of all people scored the pin on Katie Lea. It's obvious
WWE is more concerned about ring intros than actual in-ring action. Santino then
showed up in a robe. He wants in the Miss WrestleMania match at WrestleMania,
then he pulled out a man-kini. What happened to the bro or manzierre? Beth
Phoenix continued the storyline that's well-beyond-played-out by being
embarrassed by Santino's actions before the divas tackled him. Wonderful.
WINNERS: Team Tiffany in 2:00. (n/a)
Announcers: Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler took us back to Randy Orton's
despicable actions on last week's show. After a video package aired on Orton
taking out Triple H and Stephanie McMahon, they said Randy Orton will be on the
show tonight. Cole then plugged Jericho vs. Lawler up next. Lawler took off his
announcer outfit and prepped to enter the ring.
[Commercial Break]
[Q2]
In-ring: Jerry Lawler was already in the ring ready to face Chris Jericho.
Jericho came out and Cole said Jericho must beat all three Legends at
WrestleMania 25 among Ricky Steamboat, Roddy Piper, and Jimmy Snuka.
2 -- CHRIS JERICHO vs. JERRY LAWLER
Bell sounded and they had a lock-up. Lawler shoved Jericho, then Jericho shoved
Lawler. Lawler answered him with a big right hand, but that was virtually all of
the offense for Lawler, who took a whopping until Jericho put him in the Walls
of Jericho in center ring. Lawler quickly tapped.
Post-match: Jericho wasn't done and he re-entered the ring to pick up Lawler.
Suddenly, Lawler sprung to life and punched Jericho in the face. Jericho took
the mic and said he's already beaten Lawler and he doesn't need to get back in
the ring. He said he won't apologize for what he does to the Legends at
WrestleMania because Mickey Rourke started this mess and he'll watch his
"friends" face their demise. He said he will humiliate and eradicate the Legends
from wrestling forever.
WINNER: Jericho in 3:00. Odd booking of Lawler to take a decisive loss like
that, but Lawler at least got some measure of revenge back. Cole can't even
muster enough life for commentary on his co-partner's match. Jericho with a good
promo for Mania, but nowhere near the level this program was at five weeks ago.
Sadness. (*)
12 Rounds Video: Please watch the movie. We'll even show you most of the movie's
plot.
[Commercial Break]
[Q3]
Backstage: Todd Grisham brought in a very smiley John Cena for an interview.
Before Cena could utter a word, World Hvt. champion Edge stepped in to try to
convince Cena to take out Big Show tonight or before their WrestleMania match,
then they could battle between the two of them. Cena had a stern look on his
face, then he said it's intelligent, logical, and makes great sense. Cena said
he doesn't care, though. He's going to WrestleMania to become World Hvt.
champion. No dice on the plan.
Announcers: Michael Cole, by himself now, sent it backstage to Cody Rhodes and
Ted DiBiase, who spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME IN THE TANNING BED. Goodness, I hope he
doesn't get skin cancer. Cody said Randy Orton will give his WrestleMania
address tonight. Teddy said everything you know about WWE will change forever
after Mania.
Backstage: Another shot of the hearse. A random man then walked to the coffin
where Shawn Michaels popped out sporting all-black this time. He had one eye
open and the other one looked really messed up. He then said something, but the
audio wasn't there. Rewind the DVR for lip-reading...Maybe something like "You
were expecting someone else."
[Commercial Break]
Video correction: They re-aired Shawn Michaels surprisingly popping out of the
casket and saying, "You were expecting someone else."
In-ring: Jerry Lawler ran back to the broadcast table to re-join Cole. Rey
Mysterio came to the ring for a "WrestleMania preview" match, as Cole called it.
JBL then came out of the white limo. He cut a promo that he will beat Rey within
an inch of his life to let Rey know that on the biggest PPV of all-time in six
days, he will show up Rey. But, nothing personal, amigo. Why in the world are
they giving away a WrestleMania match six days before the PPV?
3 -- IC champion JBL vs. REY MYSTERIO -- non-title match
Rey tried to build momentum early, but JBL ran him over with a shoulderblock
leading to commercial.
[Commercial Break]
[Q4]
JBL knocked Rey to the floor out of the break. Back in the ring, Rey fired back
on JBL with kicks to the face. He then hit a seated sentaun and an enziguiri
kick. Rey wanted the 619, but JBL moved. Rey then kicked him to another set of
ropes and nailed the 619 this time. Rey then hit the springboard splash on JBL
for the win. JBL was shocked post-match.
WINNER: Rey in 6:00. Rey with a solid win to set up the IC Title match at Mania.
I just do not agree with giving away any WM match on free TV six days
beforehand. Doesn't make Mania seem special. That said, good use of Rey on TV to
build excitement for Mania. (*1/2)
Smackdown Rebound: John Cena is going to WrestleMania to fight, to win, and to
become World Hvt. champion. ... Backstage: "Andre the Giant" shot of Big Show
slowly walking toward the ring for his match against Cena. Made Show look 18
feet tall by design.
[Commercial Break]
WM 11 Video Recap: They went back to WrestleMania 11 for Bam Bam Bigelow vs.
Lawrence Taylor. No pads, no helmets, just man on man. Remember Salt-n-Pepa and
Papa Shango/Godfather with a side fade? Hey, look, it's Steve McMichael.
Suddenly, Taylor went wild on Bigelow and pinned him. Cue up the NFL player
celebration with those early '90s track pants just needing their fannypack
friends.
Ringside Segue: Dallas Cowboys players were shown fighting ringside. Michael
Irvin was in the second row playing chaperone. Lawler: "Where's TO?" Up in
Buffalo.
In-ring: John Cena's music hit to a huge reaction and Cena came out to face Big
Show. Cole said Cena is ready to head down I-45 to Houston to re-gain the World
Title. Yeah, it was a pretty good ride home to Houston last October after Texas
beat Oklahoma 45-35 in Dallas's Cotton Bowl. Oh yeah, that game never happened.
Sorry, I forgot. Just whatever you do, don't get stuck at a Pizza Hut in the
middle of nowhere in between Dallas and Houston. Big Show then came out to face
Cena, who took a big breath pre-bell.
[Q5 -- second hour]
4 -- JOHN CENA vs. BIG SHOW
Cena went for a leaping shoulderblock at 2:00, but Show brick-walled him into a
flat back bump on the mat. Impressive spot that looked even better on replay.
Show tried to squash Cena in the corner, but Cena moved. He tried to build
momentum, but Show tossed him high into the air to land a stomach-first on the
mat. Show wanted the Vader Bomb out of the corner, but Cena moved and sprung up
top for the leaping guillotine leg drop. Cena wanted the STFU, but Show kicked
him away. Show then drop-kicked Cena off the apron to the floor going to break.
[Commercial Break]
Back from break, Show was sitting on Cena's back with a modified Camel Clutch.
Cena made his face turn purple as he tried to grit his way into a squat, but
Show just sat on his back to cut Cena off. Show then wanted the chokeslam, but
Cena countered into a DDT. Crowd popped as Cena tried to follow with the STFU,
but Show's body is too huge. Show elbowed him in the face to escape, then he
avoided an attempted FU and gave Cena a chokeslam. Show with the pin for a clean
win on Cena. Wha?
Post-match: Edge snuck into the ring and stared down Show, then he tackled Cena
and started beating the crap out of him. Show just stood back in the corner and
sweated while watching. Another ref stormed the ring to pull Edge off Cena, who
struggled to collect his breath as Edge had that "Edge look" in his eyes.
WINNER: Show in 11:00. Really good TV match with strong crowd involvement, but
very odd to see Cena taking another TV loss. So weird when he used to never
lose. Apparently this is punishment for his movie sucking at the box office.
Show looked good in the ring thanks to WWE booking around his limited mobility
and Cena creating a lot of movement. (**)
Smackdown Rebound: Back to Shawn Michaels on Smackdown wearing all-white and
quoting Revelations before The Undertaker popped out to scare HBK out of the
ring.
Backstage: Shawn Michaels now in all-black leading a casket backstage toward the
ring. Will we find out Taker's fate next?
[Q6]
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: A funeral procession was set-up in the ring. Shawn Michaels then came
out in his black get-up to proclaim this procession is for The Undertaker's
WrestleMania streak. There was a blown-up photo of Michaels draping his arm over
Taker back in the 1990s. Michaels in the cow-patch-designed trunks and Taker in
his old mid-90s get-up. Michaels cut a promo about everything he's done against
Taker to show no fear. He said his light will out-shine Taker's darkness.
Michaels said he's done it all without the slightest bit of consequence. Without
a hint of retribution. Michaels then opened the casket. It was empty. He said
there will be no retribution for himself. Michaels takes it personally that
Taker doesn't think HBK can end the streak. He said he's Mr. WrestleMania. This
Sunday, every moment over the past 24 years is going to pale in comparison to
what he achieves. No guarantee of victory. Michaels said the next day, they'll
talk about who won the World Title. Who won the WWE Championship. They'll speak
of legends and ladders and 70,000 people, but the one moment that will last a
lifetime forever will be when Shawn Michaels pins The Undertaker at
WrestleMania. There's your guarantee.
Taker's music then hit and the lights went out. Some banging and a toll. Taker
was the only man left in the ring when the lights came back on. Taker then tore
apart the Funeral Parlor set. He didn't like the mid-90s portrait. Only the
coffin was left unscathed. Taker smelled a rat, then he turned toward the
coffin, which was now closed. Taker slowly walked over to the coffin and opened
it up, but the coffin was empty. Taker slammed his fists down, then turned his
back. Suddenly, Michaels popped out from under the coffin and gave Taker the
Sweet Chin Music. Michaels went nuts celebrating with crotch chops and such,
then he dipped out of the ring with a smirk on his face as Taker came to.
Michaels backed up the entrance ramp as Taker made it to the bottom rope to
stare irately toward Michaels. It's on this Sunday. Pencil in four stars.
[Commercial Break]
[Q7]
Announcers: Cole and Lawler introduced a Hall of Fame video package. Focus on
Steve Austin walking down the hallway set to the background of his Austin 3:16
promo. Cue up classic Rattlesnake clips to remind viewers of the good times
watching wrestling. Foley blasted, Rock blasted, D-Lo blasted, Angle blasted,
Lesnar stunned, McMahon blasted, Rock Stunned, Nash Stunned. Tune in this
Saturday at 10:00 EST for the Hall of Fame. Lawler then talked about hosting the
Hall of Fame. Cole hyped it as a four-hour PPV before the announcers broke down
the PPV card.
Backstage: Cody and Teddy were talking to security to set up Randy Orton's
speech later in the show.
In-ring: C.M. Punk came out first for an eight-man over-the-top-rope battle
royal. His right elbow was heavily-taped. Kane out next. Lawler said a Money in
the Bank preview battle royal is next.
[Commercial Break]
WM plug: They showed the Variety cover stories on WWE and WrestleMania. Turned
into a video package on Brother vs. Brother between Matt and Jeff, which has
received less-than-adequate hype, in my estimation.
5 -- MITB BATTLE ROYAL
Henry tried to press-slam Finlay out of the ring, then Henry eventually just
tossed him out. Hornswoggle was none too pleased, which allowed everyone else to
toss out Henry from behind. Punk tried to eliminate Christian, then Kane tried
to eliminate both of them. Kane then turned his attention to MVP and Shelton
Benjamin to get rid of them simultaneously.
[Q8]
Final four: Punk (Mich. St.), Kane (UCONN), Christian (UNC), and Kofi Kingston
(Villanova). Streeeetch. Kane tried to eliminate Christian, but the former TNA
star held on to the top rope. In any event, Kofi was knocked out, then Kane
press-slammed Punk onto Christian to eliminate both men and win the battle
royal. Post-match: Kane grabbed a ladder and slid it into the ring. Kane then
scaled the ladder and retrieved the MITB briefcase.
WINNER: Kane in 4:00. More focus on Kane as the dominant star heading into MITB.
Probably means he won't win, but he's been built-up effectively with an eye on
post-Mania for a potential main event program on Raw, Smackdown, or ECW
depending on Draft. (*1/2)
Backstage: Cody and Ted knocked on Orton's dressing room door. Orton then slowly
emerged and checked to make sure SuperHunter wasn't anywhere to be found.
Legacy, with their snazzy new t-shirts with a giant "L" in the middle, then
surveyed the hallway on the way to the ring.
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: Randy Orton came out alone for the main event segment. They plugged the
NYC press conference tomorrow afternoon. Orton stood center ring and waited out
the boos with the lights dimmed. Orton took us back to age 24 when he became the
youngest WWE champion ever. That is, until Triple H turned on him the next
night. Back to the night after Summerslam 2004 when Batista was given the thumbs
up/thumbs down for Evolution to take out Orton. No shots of Chris Benoit, who he
won the belt from and defeated the next night.
After the video aired, Orton said he's been waiting for the right time to align
with a group of talent that could challenge Hunter and when Hunter became so
powerful and when Hunter cared about something more than the WWE Title to
extract his revenge. Cue up a shot of the Royal Rumble when Orton eliminated
Hunter to win the guaranteed WM title match. Orton said he plotted to
systematically take apart Hunter's family as part of his plot. Cue up video of
Orton taking out Vince McMahon, then Shane McMahon, then Stephanie McMahon.
[Q9 -- over-run]
Orton said nearly five years after Hunter turned on him, he RKO'ed Hunter's
wife. He said he wants to be clear. He knew exactly what he was doing the entire
time. Where does IED come into play here? Whoa, I just wrote that sentence and
he name-dropped IED. Orton said, "No, no, no, I knew exactly what I was doing
the entire time." Orton suddenly snapped on the audience and told them to sit
down and shut up. Orton paused and said he was willing to sacrifice Rhodes and
DiBiase with the sledgehammer chase so that Hunter would feel in control and let
his guard down, so it would allow him to do this...
Cue up the video from last week of Orton's actions that included Stephanie
taking a DDT right in front of Hunter, who couldn't do anything about it. Crowd
booed. Orton smiled. Now at Mania, every time they lock up in center ring,
Hunter will have to face the man who DDT'ed his wife. Orton said he talked to
Vickie Guerrero that if Hunter is DQ'ed or even counted out, then he loses the
WWE Title. If he shows up to the ring with the sledgehammer, then it's an
automatic DQ and he becomes champ without even lifting a finger.
So, it comes full circle. He has taken everything from Hunter except the WWE
Title. That comes this Sunday. When that happens, the entire landscape
challenges. Balance of power shifts permanently. Young stars will try to impress
him so they may one day stand at his side. In six days, his ascension to the top
of this business will be realized. Finally. Suddenly, they cut backstage where a
black limo pulled up. He demanded the lights turned up. Cody and Ted were
beckoned to the ring with security while Orton looked at the screen. Camera
focused inside the limo. There was no one inside the limo. Apparently Orton
didn't get that camera shot.
Suddenly, Vince McMahon's music hit. Oh snap. Out strutted Mr. McMahon. He came
out on stage and took off his jacket, then Shane McMahon's music hit. Shane
stepped out on stage and danced loose. Vince's sleeves were rolled up and he
looked quite jacked. Triple H's music hit and Hunter emerged with only a profile
shot. He then turned to look toward the ring huffing and puffing. Hunter in the
middle, Shane on the left, and Vince on the right. The three McMahons stood tall
on stage while Orton, Cody, and Ted stood in the ring. No one moved a muscle.
Hunter then looked toward the McMahons and they started walking to ringside. "Oh
my God, it's on!" Lawler exclaimed. McMahons went through Orton Security in no
time, then they stood ringside facing Legacy.
Hunter ripped off his t-shirt, then stormed ringside for a brawl. Shane on Ted,
Orton on Hunter, Shane on Cody. Camera focused on Hunter vs. Orton, which went
around ringside, then back into the ring. Hunter tackled Orton and the fight was
on. They rolled around in the ring with the WrestleMania banner looming over the
arena. Fade to black with Hunter and Orton duking it out six days before Mania.
Now, that's how you sell WrestleMania, even if it was McMahon-O-Rama.