Raw
Corpus Christi, Texas
December 14, 2009
results thanks to pwtorch.com
WWE Raw opened with a video package promoting the Slammy's Award show tonight.
They showed clips from various highlights of the year in WWE TV. Arena: Live in
the arena, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the four-man, three-match
tournament for tonight. Cena vs. Punk and Undertaker vs. Orton to determine the
Superstar of the Year. Matt Striker is also on commentary. Three-man booth like
the TLC PPV last night.
In-ring: Justin Roberts introduced Dennis Miller as the guest host of the show
tonight. Miller came out on-stage to begin running through a monologue. When he
needed a cheap pop, he referenced the local crowd. When he needed another cheap
pop, he went to Nancy Pelosi and Vickie Guerrero in a wedding dress on the video
screen. After some more jokes died, he flashed the "golden boys" on the screen:
Barack Obama and John Cena. Boos from the crowd. Miller said one of these men
just went through a table and one has yet to put anything on the table. Striker,
a noted Republican, had a good laugh. Miller, who read his jokes off a piece of
paper, said WWE is the only audience where he can still use an Obama joke.
Miller then plugged Tribute to the Troops and USA Cares, his charity. He plugged
the military and troops to draw a sympathy applause from the audience. Just an
absolutely terrible segment to start the show.
Miller then introduced R-Truth and Jillian Hall. Truth and Hall led some dead
air on the broadcast before Jillian started to sing some Tag Team "Whoop there
it is." Truth then re-wrote his classic rap by telling her to "Shut Up" instead
of "What's Up?" Cue up the nominations for tag team of the year: DX, Chris
Jericho & Big Show, Hart Dynasty, and Legacy. Back live, Jillian announced
Jericho & Big Show as the winners.
On-stage: Jericho and Big Show came out on-stage dressed in black suits to
capture their mood after losing the Unified tag titles at the PPV last night.
Jericho was in a foul mood. So was the audience. Jericho said JeriShow is
clearly the best tag team of the year and of any year. Jericho then thanked the
long-forgotten Edge for being a weakling and getting hurt. (Edge name-drop to
get his name back in the mix.) He also would like to thank himself for choosing
the giant destroyer, Big Show, as his tag partner. Show then leaned into the
small mic and said despite what happened last night, they will retain --- check
that, regain the tag titles in the near future. Show credited Jericho for being
the smart one. He then announced they want to cash in their re-match against DX
tonight. Show shot him a quizzical look, but went along with it.
Announcers: Cole, Lawler, and Striker were shown on-camera to narrate still
photos of John Cena going through a table to lose the WWE Title to Sheamus. The
fans booed the still shot of Sheamus holding up the WWE Title belt.
[Q2]
[Commercial Break]
Announcers: Cole plugged a vote on WWE's website for Diva of the Year. Lawler
said he will be a huge factor on who wins.
In-ring: William Regal was in the ring with Ezekiel Jackson and Kozlov. The
announcers gave some love to ECW during a video package showcasing recent
turmoil between Jackson and Kozlov. Back live, Regal took the mic to announce a
challenge to Christian to find two partners for a six-man tag match. Christian
came out selling the effects of the ladder match, then said he found two
monsters who can take out Kozlov and Jackson. He added that his two partners
have put aside their differences for this cause. Kane's music hit and out came
Kane with... Great Khali. Those are some big differences to put aside after Kane
storyline-injure Khali and put him out of action on Smackdown. Anyways.
1 -- ECW champion CHRISTIAN & GREAT KHALI & KANE vs. WILLIAM REGAL & KOZLOV &
EZEKIEL JACKSON
Khali started things off and looked horrible trying to move around. Christian
then tagged in and the heels isolated Christian to begin working him over after
he took a beating in the ladder match last night. Kane then tagged in and
battled with Regal. Jackson then tagged in and clotheslined Kane. He yelled and
screamed, but the audience was sitting on their hands. Kozlov then blind-tagged
in to upset Jackson. Kane then ran over Kozlov and Khali suddenly tagged in and
delivered a big right hand chop to Kozlov for the pin and the win. Regal was
frustrated with his bad luck post-match. Khali did a little dance post-match
while Kane stared at him.
WINNERS: Team Christian at 2:30. Why the torment? A slow, plodding, brutal
match. (1/4*)
On-stage: Miller was back on stage to give it up for Kane and "Big" Great Khali.
Miller cracked a joke about Michael Moore that was too complicated for its
worth. He then brought out SD GM Teddy Long and ECW GM Tiffany for another
Slammy's Award for Breakout Star of the Year. Tiffany hyped the New Superstar
Initiative on ECW before Teddy introduced the nominees. Nominees: Drew McIntyre,
Sheamus, Yoshi Tatsu, and Abraham Washington. And the winner is... new WWE
champion Sheamus.
Sheamus came out on stage with the WWE Title belt around his waist. He had a big
smile as the audience booed him. Sheamus then walked over to Teddy and Tiff and
accepted his award. Loud boos for Sheamus once his music stopped. Sheamus asked
the audience if they take him seriously now. He asked John Cena if he takes him
seriously now. Sheamus said he's not a foot-note in WWE history anymore. "I beat
you, Cena," he said. Sheamus said Rowdy Piper, Paul Orndorff, Curt Hennig, and
Ricky Steamboat never achieved what he achieved last night and they're all WWE
Hall of Famers. The crowd interjected with a "You Suck" chant. He then declared
Cena is never getting the title back. He emphatically held up his Slammy trophy
to close the segment.
[Q3]
[Commercial Break]
Announcers: CLS (Cole, Lawler, Striker from here on out) plugged the Superstar
of the Year nominees to introduce the mini-tournament on tonight's Raw to
determine the winner. First up, Orton vs. Taker. Then, Punk vs. Cena.
In-ring: Legacy's music hit and out came Cody Rhodes by himself. Cole said that
Cody wants to emulate Orton from last night and defeat Kofi Kingston tonight.
Striker said Cody is "no gimmick needed, he's simply Cody Rhodes." Out next was
Kofi, who had his upper arm/shoulder taped after Orton's Punt to the shoulder in
the match last night.
2 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. CODY RHODES
The bell sounded and there was a "Kofi, Kofi" chant that sounded close to a
"Cody, Cody" chant. The announcers talked about the breakthrough performances by
the young stars on TLC last night. Kofi hit a Boom Drop less than a minute into
the ring, then Ted DiBiase stormed the ring and attacked Kofi for a DQ.
WINNER: Kofi via DQ at 1:01. (n/a)
Post-match: Evan Bourne made the save for Kofi. After things were settled down,
Dennis Miller was back on-stage and he awarded himself a Slammy for Best
Announcement by a Guest Host when he ordered the match restarted. "Al Sharpton,
Jeremy Piven, Suck it! Ring the bell," he said. That got a crowd reaction.
Miller's best moment (read: not super-awkward moment) of the show.
3 -- KOFI KINGSTON & EVAN BOURNE vs. TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES
After the "Suck It" declaration, the bell sounded and Kofi and Bourne hit double
planchas on Legacy on the outside. They cut to break and plugged Tribute to the
Troops airing on NBC this Saturday night.
[Commercial Break]
Back from break, DiBiase had Kofi in a headlock on the mat. Striker inserted a
product placement plug, saying DiBiase was almost "Marine-like" taking apart
Kofi. Cody and Ted continued to tag in and out working over Kingston as the
audience tried to rally him. Bourne then took a tag at 6:30 and cleared the
heels from the ring. Bourne then hit a double knee drop on Cody in mid-air for a
two count. DiBiase and Kofi ended up on the outside, then Rhodes caught Bourne
and turned his neck inside-out with an emphatic Cross Rhodes spinning
neckbreaker for the pin and the win. Post-match: Kofi checked on Bourne while
Legacy left the ring with a victory.
WINNERS: Legacy at 7:20. It was quite obvious how this going down once Bourne
entered the match to be the man to take the fall. Meanwhile, Kofi is back to
floating around aimlessly in the mid-card. (3/4*)
Plug for later: Striker did a voice-over on a graphic plugging DX vs. Chris
Jericho & Big Show for the tag titles in a re-match.
[Q4]
[Commercial Break]
Arena: Sounded like a Hall of Fame presentation as Dennis Miller came out
on-stage. He apologized for the opening, saying no one told him that all you
have to do is say "Suck It" to get a reaction. He obviously hasn't studied DX's
history. Miller then introduced Vickie Guerrero and Santino Marella to present
the next award. Santino was all-smiles with this sort of Will Ferrell-character
ironic smile. Vickie tried to talk, but the audience booed every time she
talked. Vickie reminded everyone he's now Smackdown consultant. Santino spoke
and the crowd cheered. He botched his joke and they still cheered. A fat joke,
of course, was thrown in. Santino then introduced Shocker of the Year: Randy
Orton DDT'ing Stephanie McMahon while Hunter watched, Batista turning on Rey
Mysterio, Punk retiring Jeff Hardy, and Sheamus putting Mark Cuban through a
table. Vickie then announced the winner: Punk retires Hardy.
On-stage: C.M. Punk came out celebrating his big victory. Punk walked over to
the podium and ripped the trophy away from Santino after hugging Vickie. Punk
celebrated with possession of the trophy, then they cut to a break.
[Commercial Break]
Tomorrow night on ECW: Tiffany has invited former ECW champion Kane as a special
guest. "What twisted plan does Kane have for ECW?" I hope it's not bringing
Khali with him.
In-ring: C.M. Punk stood center ring to cut a promo. He said he had a list of
people to thank, but he didn't think the people in Corpus Christi would stay
quiet. Punk thanked himself because without him, the great year would not have
been possible. He said he became World Hvt. champion twice, won the MITB at
WrestleMania for the second straight year, and he's the only man with the
courage to tell people they're throwing their lives away. Punk said he doesn't
care if it's not what they want to hear because it's real. He said his
crowning-achievement was getting rid of the Charismatic Enabler Jeff Hardy
forever. Punk said it only makes sense for him to take his rightful place as
Superstar of the Year.
[Q5 -- second hour, standard first hour]
Punk's music hit and he handed over the trophy before the announcers recapped
Sheamus's title victory at TLC last night. A minute past the top of the hour,
Cena's music hit to a strong reaction. They cut to a shot of one girl screaming
her lungs out. Cena pointed to his new merchandise color scheme and stormed the
ring to face Punk, who stood back in the corner waiting for Cena to go through
his routine.
4 -- JOHN CENA vs. C.M. PUNK -- Superstar of the Year tournament match
Cena ran over Punk with a shoulderblock, but Punk answered with a leg whip. He
then mocked Cena's You Can't See Me and followed with a high knee in the corner
followed by a running bulldog. Punk then settled into a mat hold as the audience
chanted for Cena. Punk then tried the G2S, but Cena countered center-ring with
the STF. The audience popped, then Cena re-applied the STF and locked it in
center ring. Punk had nowhere to go and he tapped out. Cena briefly celebrated
before selling frustration with his current circumstances.
WINNER: Cena at 1:43. Short match to get Cena his heat back and set up the
post-match. Punk had a promo to help cover for the inevitable short loss, but
this wasn't a good showcase for Punk. (n/a)
Post-match: Cena sold concern as he looked around the arena. One woman was shown
very determined as she cried with her support for Cena. Cena dejectedly
congratulated Sheamus on the victory. He said he needed to take a second to
apologize to the folks he let down last night. Cena said sometimes you try so
hard at something and walk in so prepared, but you still fail. Cena said every
time you fail, it's painful. He said it causes sadness and he saw disappointment
last night. Cena said a man's character is often judged by what he does when his
back is against the wall. The setback is great, the failure severe, but you
never give up. Cena entered preacher promo mode to encourage the audience to
never give up, to push forward, etc. He said some people were so offended by
what happened last night that they might have lost faith in him. He addressed a
"hater" in the crowd and said he respects his opinion. But, he's talking to the
supporters who stand in his corner. Cena said he won't give up on them. Audience
is hanging on every word here. Cena said all he has is the WWE Universe. So,
he's not going to vow to work harder or put in more time in the gym. He said
what happened at TLC will never happen again. Tim Tebow speech here. Cena said
his Road to WrestleMania starts right now. He said no one can stop him and he
won't be stopped. Cena looked into the camera to give WWE's website a headline:
"I will not lose another match again until I become WWE champion." That's a long
headline for WWE's website. Cena dropped the mic as the announcers talked about
Cena making a bold statement tonight. So, now Cena awaits Taker-Orton. PYB (3)
talk time: 6:30..
Up next: The announcers plugged the "Match of the Year" Slammy Award.
[Commercial Break]
On-stage: Dennis Miller was back to the podium to thank the WWE wrestlers for
their work with the U.S. troops. Miller then brought out "The Show" Triple H to
announce the Match of the Year. Miller's adjectives are a bit off tonight.
Hunter walked out to the podium covered in merchandise to sell, then he waited
out a strong applause. In typical Hunter fashion, he thanked "Dennis Milburn"
for the intro. Hunter asked the crowd if they're ready for the 2009 Match of the
Year. He said there are matches every year called epics or classics, but there
is only one MOTY. Cue up the nominees: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker (Jim
Ross's voice included), John Cena vs. Randy Orton in the torture match from
Breaking Point, Jeff Hardy vs. Edge at Extreme Rules (with Hardy's voice back on
TV), and Team Raw vs. Team Smackdown from Bragging Rights.
[Q6]
Back live, Hunter unveiled the winner: Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker. That
was pretty clear. Cole said it was an honor to be part of that match. Michaels
walked out on stage and shook hands with Hunter after they won the tag titles
last night. Hunter plugged the WM25 DVD if you haven't already seen it. Hunter
said he had to follow that match and he didn't stand a chance. He patted
Michaels on the stomach, then gave HBK the podium. He said he won the award last
year by defeating Ric Flair (whoos) and this time he "came up a little short"
against Taker. Michaels said he's proud of what they accomplished in Houston
that night. Michaels thanked the audience, then decided he wasn't done talking.
Crowd with a loud "HBK" chant as Michaels stood alone for the first time in a
while on WWE TV. Michaels snapped into promo mode and said, "Undertaker, I can
beat you." He said he knows it and more importantly, Taker knows it. Michaels
threw out the challenge and the crowd oohed. "You and me, WrestleMania, one more
time," he said.
Up next: Undertaker vs. Randy Orton in part two of three of the Superstar of the
Year series tonight.
World Hvt. Title DVD plug: They finally plugged the "History of the World Hvt.
Title" DVD that comes out tomorrow. O'Connor, Thesz, Dusty, Kiniski, Race,
Flair, Steamboat, Funk, Cena, Orton, Undertaker, Rey, and Triple H were among
the stars shown in the old-school and more-recent clips. Jim Ross is earning his
keep with his voice-overs on historic match footage tonight.
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: They came back live to the arena and the bell tolled for Undertaker's
entrance. Taker made his entrance still with possession of the World Title after
TLC last night. It's not often Taker makes his entrance first. Randy Orton's
voices then told us he was next out. Orton slowly walked to the ring as Cole
talked about Orton's ban on WWE Title shots being lifted thanks to Cena's title
loss last night.
[Q7]
5 -- JOHN CENA vs. THE UNDERTAKER -- Superstar of the Year tournament match
The bell sounded and the announcers picked up the debate on Batista not winning
the World Title thanks to Teddy Long. Cole and Lawler defended Long's
decision-making. Have to go with Shane McKinley's point on the inconsistency
with Long's character since Long didn't call for a restart in Morrison-McIntyre
after McIntyre won the IC Tile thanks to an illegal eye-gouge. As for the match,
Taker teased his signature moves early on, but Orton countered everything. Taker
then delivered a "vintage" leg drop across the ring apron from the outside.
Striker asked Cole if he does "vintage" twice in one match. Cole said he tries
not to. Legacy then walked down the ramp and Taker scared them back up the ramp.
After scaring away Legacy, Taker walked back to Orton, who surprised Taker with
an RKO on the floor as the ref was at a six count. Orton slid into the ring at
nine and Taker made a last-second dive back in the ring, but he fell on the
ground. Taker was counted out, giving Orton the win.
Post-match: Legacy tried to jump Taker, but Taker sat up and flung them to the
outside. Taker then delivered a chokeslam on Orton and ref Robinson scurried out
of the ring. After clearing the ring, Taker simply paced around the ring before
his music played. So, now we have Cena vs. Orton once again.
WINNER: Orton via count-out at 3:20. It became obvious how this was going down
once Cena won earlier. No way they were going to give away Cena vs. Taker on
free TV with no hype. Of course, they had to protect Taker, so they went the
cheap route to give Orton his ticket to the tournament finals. Not enough time
to develop anything in the match itself. (*)
[Commercial Break. TNA bought air-time for an Impact ad advertising Hulk Hogan
returning to wrestling for a three-hour Impact on January 4. It had a completely
different marketing vibe than the typical TNA ad.]
Torch reader Andrew Bosak checks in: I predict a Striker-Lawler match somewhere
down the line. WWE is certainly building to that with Striker antagonizing
Lawler on commentary the past two nights.
On-stage: Dennis Miller said they're two hours into the 17-hour extravaganza.
Miller said Vince McMahon will present best guest host. He said McMahon even
tried to give him some pointers on how to do his job with the comedy. McMahon
then came out and shook hands with Miller as Cole and Lawler chuckled about
McMahon telling Miller how to do his job. McMahon said some guest hosts have
been better than others. He then cut a promo on the audience. Hit a little too
close to home, though, when he asked if they died before they came on the air.
No, this isn't a wrestling Hall of Fame ceremony. McMahon, agitated with the
lackluster crowd responses tonight, told them to wake up. It would help if the
wrestling content was halfway decent and the guest host's material worked in the
opening segment. Anyways, McMahon rolled footage on the Best Guest Host
nominees: Bob Barker, Seth Green, Shaq, and the Osbournes. Back live, McMahon
growled that Bob Barker won. Cue up a pre-taped video of Barker thanking WWE for
the award. He thanked everyone for buying his book. He thanked everyone for the
great experience. And have a Merry Christmas. "Go for it," he closed. That was
random.
McMahon then brought in Miller and asked him to name a guest host. Miller
suggested an age-old favorite, Bret Hart. Big name-drop and McMahon just stood
there. Lawler: "There's McMahon on the spot." McMahon gave the classic line:
"Last time Bret Hart was here, Bret screwed Bret." He said no. Miller asked the
crowd if they wanted it and the audience roared. McMahon just walked off without
the classic swagger. McMahon's music played as Miller closed that McMahon will
be at the Chuckles Club this Friday night. Oh wow, that was great TV. McMahon
selling for Hart was classic.
[Q8]
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: Miller was on the phone with someone while holding a Slammy trophy.
Chris Jericho then barged in and thanked him for showing him respect. He said he
knows Miller has authority to cancel the tag title re-match, so he thanks him
for not doing so. Miller then cut a promo on Jericho's heel character. Miller
said Jericho is an energy blackhole and he sucks the vibe out of the show in
favor of his agenda. He said Jericho showing up on Raw is like Kanye West
showing up at a Taylor Swift fanclub meeting. Miller effectively lowered the bar
in the opening monologue to where everything since then has been gold. Miller
told Jericho his agenda has a place anywhere else but on Raw. Jericho said he's
going to prove Miller wrong tonight. Jericho walked off, then Miller got back on
the phone and said it was Jericho whining again.
In-ring: DX's music hit and Cole said these two guys aren't black holes! They
have plenty of energy! Oh, Cole. Out came DX with a lot of gold and merchandise.
Four tag belts, a Slammy, and glowsticks. Jericho and Big Show then came out to
challenge for the belts. Jericho suddenly had some athletic tape wrapped around
his left elbow. The announcers then announced Hornswoggle has booked DX in a
mandatory court appearance for next week. If they don't show, there will be
serious consequences. Great. There's a new ref in there.
6 -- Unified tag champions DX (TRIPLE H & SHAWN MICHAELS) vs. BIG SHOW & CHRIS
JERICHO -- Unified tag title match
The bell sounded and after a brief stare-down period, Hunter shoved down the
ref. The ref stood up and surveyed the scene before shouting for a DQ. The
audience figured out what was going on as Jericho stood stunned. Michaels
sarcastically told Hunter he just cost them the match. Fortunately, the titles
don't change hands on a DQ, but he did cost them the match. Hunter sarcastically
said he just cost them the match and the winner's prize money. Michaels said
there goes Christmas. Hunter said that also was the re-match and Jericho is done
with re-matches. Michaels: "Oh man, this has to be horrible to be you." He then
told Jericho technically he's not even supposed to be in a Raw ring. Michaels
told Hunter that Jericho is trespassing. Hunter said if only there were a group
of superstars who hate Jericho as much as they do.
[Q9 -- third hour, second regular hour]
Cue up the DX music to bring out Hurricane, R-Truth, Shelton, Cryme Tyme, Finlay,
and Christian in DX Army gear. Best look was Christian sporting a Cowboy hat and
DX beanie and pulling it off with style. There was even a DX Snuggie, thanks to
Cole referencing it. Jericho yelled at the DX Army, but Michaels blasted him
with a superkick to shut up Jericho. The makeshift DX Army then helped escort
Jericho up the rampway. Of note, Big Show disappeared after the DQ. Jericho
finally left and Michaels and Hunter were left in the ring to declare Jericho is
outta here. They cut backstage where Jericho turned over a catering table while
the DX Army pushed him down the walkway to the exit door. They pushed him out
the door and closed the back door. Jericho pounded on the door, but Christian
crotch-chopped the door.
WINNERS: Jericho & Show via DQ at 0:22; DX retains tag titles. Well, there goes
Jericho back to Smackdown only it appears. Unless Jericho shows up as the
Winnipeg Kid next week and wins a contract over a recently re-hired Wellness
Policy violator. Or, he just badgers each week's guest host to get another
chance on Raw. Meanwhile, Big Show can disappear for knee recovery ... or feud
with Mark Henry.
[Commercial Break]
On-stage: No Dennis Miller this time around. Instead, out came Carlito, Chris
Masters, and Eve to present another award. Masters unbuttoned his jacket much to
Carlito's chagrin. Now, Masters was ready. Carlito just stared at him and
introduced Extreme Moment of the Year. He said this can also be described as an
exciting moment. Meanwhile, Masters danced his pecs in the background. Eve cut
up with Masters in the background while Carlito tried to talk. Carlito finally
had enough and told Masters to stop. Carlito said he can do that too. He then
asked Eve if she can do that. Not exactly a PG line. Eve shot back that Carlito
will never find out. Fans booed. Carlito's character is apparently showing some
guts doing what no one else will do, then being shot down. Eve announced Extreme
Winner: Jeff Hardy at Summerslam. Out came Matt Hardy to accept the award. Ya
know, because Matt is living off Jeff's legacy. Matt said this is really cool.
He said Jeff would have the audience know he is honored to receive the award.
Carlito interrupted and asked why he's accepting the award. Matt said it's his
brother. Carlito: "My bad. My bad." He stepped back, then gave Hardy a left-hand
blow. Carlito accepted the award and thanked himself, Jesus, Team Jacob, and
Puerto Rico. Most of all, himself. Masters then put Carlito in the Masterlock
before Hardy decked him with a right hand. Striker said this is more like The
Source awards. Man, one-liners galore in this one. Carlito was the star playing
up his "I don't care persona" even if he gets his comeuppance at the end of
every segment he appears in. Cole told us to come back for another trailer for
Marine 2. JC's Note: Tons of references to Jeff Hardy tonight.
[Commercial Break]
[Q10]
Announcers: CLS were shown on-screen, then Striker introduced another trailer
for Marine 2 starring Ted DiBiase. "With or without you, I'm going in," was
DiBiase's character's key line in the trailer. And his other line was "The goal
is to save people, not kill them to win."
In-ring: The Miz's music hit to bring out the forgotten U.S. champion. We have a
six-man tag match here. Out as his partner was Zack Ryder sans Rosa Mendes. And
finally, new IC champion Drew McIntyre. Striker gave a shout-out to Elliot and
her mom for calling him out on the mistake he made with the IC Title history
last night. Now if only Cole will apologize ... for everything. Out first for
the babyfaces were John Morrison, who was not happy. Yoshi Tatsu also joined
Morrison. Great collection of ring entrance themes here. Mark Henry then came
out sans MVP to round out the field. Lawler had a one-liner that Henry tried
Internet dating and they matched him up with Detroit.
7 -- U.S. champion THE MIZ & IC champion DREW MCINTYRE & ZACK RYDER vs. MARK
HENRY & JOHN MORRISON & YOSHI TATSU
The heels tried to chase Henry around the ring, but Henry clobbered Miz and
brought in Morrison. Miz and Morrison did battle to re-live the good ol' days
before McIntyre tagged in and Morrison tackled him hard to the mat. Ryder then
tagged in and he demanded a piece of Yoshi, who tagged in. Yoshi and Ryder had a
nice exchange leading to a stand-off. Ryder then did "Woo Woo Woo" and Yoshi
blasted him with a kick to the face. Yoshi made the cover for the win. That was
pretty funny. Striker then nearly lost control of his bowels on commentary
watching Yoshi jump up and down celebrating the win post-match. He's so happy
it's almost painful.
WINNERS: Team Yoshi at 2:11. At this rate, Cena vs. Orton is going to last 34
seconds. This show has been laugh-out funny for good and bad reasons, absolutely
horrible at other times, and a complete trainwreck at other times. Just a weird
show. (3/4*)
Backstage: They showed divas walking down the hallway locked hand-in-hand. It's
a seven-on-seven divas match followed by the Diva of the Year announcement.
[Commercial Break]
[Q11]
8 -- MICKIE JAMES & KELLY KELLY & GAIL KIM & MARIA & Divas champion MELINA &
BELLA TWINS vs. ROSA MENDES & Women's champion MICHELLE MCCOOL & NATALYA &
ALICIA FOX & BETH PHOENIX & LAYLA & MARYSE
Fourteen divas assembled in the ring dressed in evening gowns. They couldn't
decide who should be Diva of the Year, nor who should start the match.
Eventually, Mickie entered the ring and scored a quick pin for the win as her
consolation prize after not winning the Women's Title last night.
WINNERS: Team Mickie at 0:48. You knew this one was going short after the
pattern on the show and the women dressed in evening gowns. (n/a)
On-stage: Goldust and MVP came out on-stage for their bit part on the show. The
divas were still assembled ringside to await the announcement of Diva of the
Year. After some build-up and hype, they announced Maria as the winner. She
acted stunned and slowly walked onto the stage to deliver a speech. Suddenly,
Kanye West...er...Batista showed up wearing a pink polo shirt and giant Aviator
shades. He should that he was screwed by Teddy Long last night and he should get
the "Screwjob of the Year" award. Some of Corpus Christi's finest then showed up
and escorted Batista away. Announcers said Kanye...er...Batista is just
embarrassing himself now.
[Commercial Break]
On-stage: Dennis Miller read an elaborate joke about Amy Winehouse before
bringing out Abraham Washington, Tony Atlas, and Big Dick Johnson, who danced
out in a lime green speedo. Atlas couldn't help himself from laughing up a storm
at the trainwreck. Washington tried to start his speech, but Atlas kept
laughing. Johnson just kept jiggling. Cue up the "Oh My" award. Johnson then
pulled out some reading glasses to speak for the first-time ever. BDJ did a deep
announcer voice in Classic English prose to introduce the Oh My moment of the
year nominees. Candidates: Chris Masters and his pecs, HBK superkicks the girl
in the cafeteria, Vintage Michael Cole at the 10-Year Smackdown anniversary, and
Santino Marella's Thanksgiving pie antics. Washington announced the winner:
Michael Cole vomits. Cole: "Yeah, yeah, yeah!" He nearly dry-humped Lawler
leaving the announce table before doing a victory lap up the entrance ramp onto
the stage. He proceeded to dry-hump Johnson before running off Abe and Atlas.
Cole gave a shout-out to Jim Ross and said "Slobberknocker and Boomer Sooner"
are passe because "Vintage" and "Oh my" are the choice of a new generation.
"Hook 'em Horns!" Cole declared. This is officially a thumbs up show now. Crowd
agreed with a pop for the UT reference. Striker: "That's going to be blogged
about." And we've officially arrived at the ultimate train wreck episode of Raw.
On-stage: Dennis Miller came back to the podium and said he needs to "take his
freaking eyes out with a power drill" after seeing Johnson. Miller then ran down
the ramp and handed a card to a kid on the front row near the tunnel. Miller
tried to get serious with a shout-out for the troops and USA Cares before
plugging the main event Superstar of the Year up next.
[Q12]
[Commercial Break]
Backstage: We get another DX plug. Shawn Michaels said he was a procrastinator
last year. This year, he's already set up his new Money in the Bank ladder match
toy set. Michaels and Hunter talked up the action figure set, then Hunter
pretended to accidentally crash the set. Hunter stammered out an apology to calm
down Michaels, who looked like a frustrated father on Christmas Day trying to
put together the Mouse Trap game. Michaels said he was cold, then Hunter pulled
out a new DX Snuggle. No, Hunter, it's a Snuggie. Michaels became warm, then
Hunter handed him a cup of hot tea to warm him right up. Hunter then plugged the
History of the World Title DVD. Roll footage of Hunter on the DVD against
Michaels with Hunter stomping the snot out of Michaels back from their 2002
feud. In came Hornswoggle to give them each a present. Awww. It's a WWE Shop
gift card. Hornswoggle showed off his new DX Army t-shirt with Hornswoggle on
the shirt. Hunter and Michaels then tried to jump Hornswoggle, who ran away
apparently through the Roadrunner black hole. Hunter suddenly realized he was
beating up Michaels underneath the Snuggie. Hornswoggle smiled, then laughed as
Michaels sold the right hand blows from Hunter. He then ran away, leaving
Michaels on the floor. Hornswoggle re-entered and put a Santa hat on Michaels
before grunting a Christmas tune. Well, if you were looking for Hunter to land
blows on Michaels anytime soon, there you go. Just had to have this skit to
complete the train wreck-quality episode of Raw.
Next week's Raw guest host: Johnny Damon from the New York Yankees.
In-ring: Randy Orton came out for the main event to decide nothing tangible
other than the possessor of a trophy. Unless Sheamus does a run-in during the
main event, this will be one of the most uneventful "first night as champions"
for any wrestler in recent memory. Well, other than A.J. Styles's current TNA
Title reign.
[Commercial Break]
In-ring: John Cena came out for a second time for the main event re-match from
seemingly every PPV in 2009 against Orton. The announcers listed the recent
series of matches between the two before the bell sounded.
[Q13 -- over-run]
9 -- RANDY ORTON vs. JOHN CENA
The match moved to the floor early on where Orton took advantage before throwing
Cena back into the ring to inflict more punishment. Orton proceeded to stomp and
kick and punch away on Cena, who sold pain before making a comeback with a
bulldog. Cena then went up top and hit the guillotine leg drop for a close two
count. Cena tried to collect himself before going after Orton, but Orton caught
him with a fallaway backbreaker for a two count. Orton landed a straight right
hand, then Cena came back with a small package pin attempt, but Orton popped up
and landed a hard clothesline for a two count. Announcers cast doubt over Cena's
chances tonight, which means he's winning. Orton continued the beat down before
airballing on a high knee drop. Cena then made his full comeback as the crowd
popped for his You Can't See Me routine. Cena then tried the Attitude
Adjustment, but Orton blocked, and tried the RKO, but Cena countered into an STF
attempt. Orton blocked, but Cena countered into an AA for a close two count when
Orton grabbed the bottom rope just before three. Orton rolled to the outside to
recover, then he caught Cena and implant DDT'ed right off the ring apron
face-first into the padding. Orton then rolled Cena's lifeless body back into
the ring, but Cena kicked out at two. Orton, now beside himself, did his
evil-eyes look as Cena stirred in the corner. Orton saw his chance and backed
into the corner for The Punt, but Cena moved and hit the AA this time in center
ring. SuperCena then made the cover for the win.
WINNER: Cena at 9:03 to become Superstar of the Year. Darn good main event.
Great counters and reversals, but you could see the finish coming a mile away
with a "reinvigorated and renewed" Cena being the focal point of the match.
(***)
Post-match: Cena celebrated his victory and award-winning night, then Sheamus
came out on-stage with the WWE Title belt held high in the air. Cena told
Sheamus to come get some, but Sheamus remained on the stage gloating about his
possession of the title belt. They closed ten minutes past the top of the year
with Sheamus smiling a big smile.