Smackdown!

Bakersfield, California
December 13, 2001

SmackDown! kicked off from the Centennial Garden Arena in Bakersfield, Calif., with Kurt Angle and William Regal taking on the team of Rikishi and Edge. Rikishi immediately when after Angle, trying to get revenge for the repeated chair shots that Angle bludgeoned him with on RAW. Rikishi went for a Stink Face on Angle, but Regal made the save. The two started double-teaming Rikishi when Regal went for his brass knuckles, which forced the referee to immediately disqualify Regal and Angle. Regal wound up and went to hit Rikishi with the knuckles, but Rikishi ducked and Regal ended up taking out his own partner! Rikishi then kicked a stunned Regal in the face and proceeded to smash his ass into Regal’s face! As Rikishi celebrated, Regal got to his feet and finally nailed the Samoan monster with his brass knuckles. Edge then entered the ring and took out the former Commissioner with a chair shot, followed by a DDT onto the same chair!

Outside in the parking lot, Mr. McMahon and Booker T exited their limousine, which was surrounded by Mr. McMahon’s personal security force. Booker T said he could get used to all the extravagant luxuries. Mr. McMahon told his security to tighten up because there was a madman on the loose named Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Backstage, doctors were looking at William Regal’s nose, which was bleeding profusely. Regal was screaming to the medics, saying that it was broken!

Mr. McMahon and Booker T were walking through the lobby of the arena when they ran into Federation co-owner Ric Flair. A very happy and accommodating Flair invited the duo to sit in a luxury suite. Mr. McMahon immediately thought that Flair was setting him up to be attacked by Stone Cold, but Flair said that he just wanted Mr. McMahon to have a good time watching the show. Flair said that he wanted to bury the hatchet between him and Mr. McMahon, and he wanted their partnership to be a perfect marriage.

Lita was walking backstage when Test approached her. Test said that he understood what her and Matt Hardy were going through. He said he had his share of bad relationships. He then asked Lita if she wanted to go out with him, but she said she would rather be by herself right now. Appalled at her statement, Test asked Lita when she would ever have a chance to date a guy that looks as good as him. He said that he saw the way she looked at him, and that she was nothing but a tease. At this point, Jeff Hardy walked up and said that if he liked intimidating women so much, maybe he could try intimidating him in the ring on SmackDown!

Next up, Tajiri, accompanied by Torrie Wilson, defended his Crusierweight Championship against Crash.

After slapping Crash into the Tarantula, Tajiri finished the Holly cousin off with a hurricanrana to successfully defend his championship. After the match, Crash chased Torrie inside the ring when suddenly the lights went out! The Hurricane’s music started blaring throughout the arena, and when the lights came back on, The Hurricane was perched on the top turnbuckle. The modern-age superhero then leaped from the ropes and took out Crash, saving a startled Torrie, before running back out of the arena!

Lance Storm approached Ric Flair in his office, again asking for a job. Flair said that he told Storm on RAW that he couldn’t have a job, and that Storm should get out of the arena. Storm asked Flair if he had hired back The Hurricane, and Flair said he had. Storm told Flair that he had carried The Hurricane when they were a tag team. Storm begged Flair for one more chance, and the co-owner agreed that he could have one last shot before being banned from the Federation for good.

In their luxury suite, Mr. McMahon and Booker T were enjoying the show when they heard a knock at the door. Mr. McMahon had his security surround the door as he opened it, but all he found was a catering guy with food for the duo. The food cart consisted of beer, tequila, chili dogs and other forms of junk food. Mr. McMahon said that the stuff on the cart was not fit for human consumption, let alone the likes of himself and Booker T. Booker T told Mr. McMahon that he thought they had received Stone Cold’s food order on accident. The two then decided to go ahead and eat the Rattlesnake’s dinner.

In a match that was set up earlier in the night, Test took on Jeff Hardy, who was accompanied by Lita, in singles competition. At one point, Lita nailed Test with a Litacanrana when the ref’s back was turned. Jeff then went for a Swanton Bomb, but Test kicked referee Earl Hebner into the ropes, knocking Jeff off the top turnbuckle. Test delivered a big boot to a stunned Jeff’s face, but Hebner disqualified Test for touching an official. A furious Test knocked out Hebner, which prompted The Rock to run down and nail Test with a Rock Bottom!

Mr. McMahon and Booker T were waiting for their food when they saw that the catering guy had accidentally set their burgers on fire while trying to heat them up! Mr. McMahon told the guy to get the hell out of their suite. Booker T and Mr. McMahon then started to eat french fries.

Matt Hardy was playing poker with the APA backstage when Faarooq started asking Matt if he and Lita practiced her Litacanrana at home. Faarooq said he could practice with Lita all day long. Faarooq then asked Matt where Lita got all those thongs! A depressed Matt just stewed as Bradshaw and Faarooq continued to play cards.

Back in Mr. McMahon’s suite, a few firemen showed up because they heard there was a fire. As Mr. McMahon berated the firemen for barging in his room, Stone Cold Steve Austin revealed himself as one of the fire fighters! After beating up Mr. McMahon, Stone Cold chased Booker T through the crowd to ringside and then to the backstage area. The Rattlesnake continued to run after Booker T until The Book jumped into a waiting limousine and sped away! Stone Cold then ran to his Austin 3:16 truck and took off after the speeding limousine!

In his final attempt to get a job with the Federation, Lance Storm took on Kane in one-on-one action. Storm knew he had to defeat the Big Red Machine in order to get his job back. Storm tried to take out Kane with his reverse thrust kick to the monster’s face, but Kane shook it off. Kane then grabbed the Canadian by the throat and planted him onto the canvas for the 1-2-3 win. Storm has now officially lost his chance to get a job with the Federation, according to Federation co-owner Ric Flair.

Back in the APA’s office, Faarooq was still asking Matt questions about Lita, including if Lita was a natural redhead or not. Bradshaw told Faarooq that if he wanted to know if she was a natural redhead, he should ask Jeff Hardy. An outraged Matt jumped up and destroyed their office, telling Bradshaw that he would see him in the ring!

The Federation’s latest “Desire” video package aired, showcasing Triple H to the tune of U2’s “Beautiful Day”.

In six-man tag team action, Christian and the Dudley Boyz, led to the ring by Stacy Keibler, took on Scotty 2 Hotty, Albert and Tazz. During the match, Scotty was going for his patented Worm when Stacy jumped up on the ring apron and started flirting with him. Albert ran over to Stacy and tore off her skirt, revealing her white, lacy underwear! In the ring, the Dudleyz hit a 3-D on Scotty, but Albert made the save. Tazz then got tagged in and locked on a Tazzmission on Bubba Ray Dudley for the submission win!

Mr. McMahon was in his suite talking to Booker T on his cell phone. Mr. McMahon asked him if he was ok, and Booker said he fine. They continued talking until Booker told Vince that he spotted Austin’s truck, so he had to get off the phone!

Next up, Matt Hardy faced Bradshaw in singles competition. Matt hit a legdrop on Bradshaw from the second rope, but Bradshaw kicked out. Almost immediately, Bradshaw jumped up and nailed Matt with a Clothesline from Hell! Bradshaw then pinned the depressed Hardy for the win.

Back in his suite, Mr. McMahon was screaming at Flair, asking him who he was talking to on the phone. Flair handed the phone to Mr. McMahon, who then found out that Stone Cold was on the other end of the line! Austin asked Vince if he knew where he was, and Vince said no. Stone Cold told him that he had followed Booker T to a grocery store, and he was about to open a six-pack of Whoop Ass on The Book’s ass!

After commercial, Mr. McMahon was back in his suite trying to get a hold of Booker T on his cell phone to no avail.

Moments later, Stone Cold attacked Booker T at the grocery store! The Rattlesnake brutalized the Bookerman with Grey Poupon, nuts, flour, beer, eggs, and whatever else he could find! Ric Flair watched on and laughed as Mr. McMahon looked to be humiliated!

In the main event of SmackDown!, Chris Jericho and the Undertaker teamed up to take on The Rock and Rob Van Dam. Taker and Y2J showed that they can work well as a team, cutting the ring in half and beating on RVD. RVD finally was able to tag in a well-rested People’s Champ, and The Rock began to lay the smack down on Jericho. The Great One hit the People’s Elbow on Y2J and went for the cover, but Taker pulled the referee out of the ring. Taker jumped in the ring and clotheslined The Rock, but RVD went for his patented Five-Star Frog Splash on Y2J! As RVD was in mid-air, Jericho dodged the flying superstar and watched as he pancaked himself on the mat. Y2J then put RVD in the Walls of Jericho, but The Rock made the save with a clothesline on Jericho. As The Rock and Taker battled outside the ring, Van Dam hit a Vandaminator on Jericho to pick up the win for his team as SmackDown! went off the air!